A good day

It was a good day yesterday.
Yeah my dog walking clothes are clearly too big for me and my hair is a mess but this is me yesterday walking my lovely dog Zac in the woods near where we live and that is something that I haven't been able to do since May.
I used to love walking him and not doing so has been one of the things that I missed the most. I've walked with him and my Better Half along the road a couple of times but this was the first "proper" walk. That was a couple of miles and hopefully today I will add a mile onto that and make it to the bench to see the sheep.
Just to make the outing perfect Zac made some new friends.

38 - tick

Number 38 on "The List" has now turned red. I made bread from scratch with my own hands and here is the photograph to prove it. I don't think Messrs' Warburton and Allison have anything to worry about.

Link to stories

Two my stories are now on the Alfie Dog website and can be found here if anyone is interested.

Dancing Queen

Remember her? Well yesterday afternoon I was dancing around my kitchen and it felt soooooooo good. Things must be looking up.

Okay so "dancing" might be stretching it because my feet didn't move a lot just in case I fell over but the top half of my body was a moving and a grooving.

Also, I'm finally going back to work in 2 weeks time. I'm just going to do a couple of hours a day a couple of days a week but at least its a start.

So what?

So what if my kidneys still aren't working? My fingers are.
It occurred to me in the early hours of this morning that its been too long since I did any writing so needless to say that is going to change. Life is still pretty rubbish health wise at the minute so why not concentrate on something that I enjoy.
So with that in mind I set about a couple of projects that have been on my mind this morning and instantly felt better. I even did a bit of editing and resubmitted an article.

Number 5 - tick

There's another off my Fifty/50 list. Number 5 has gone that is to read Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee.
It was hard reading at times but I'm glad that I went through it. Its just sad that we don't learn from history but I guess it was ever thus. The Native Americans were treated appallingly but sadly they aren't the only indigenous people to have suffered that way.
I've just checked and so far I've only ticked 7 things off the list so I am a bit behind schedule though I hope that I'll be able to pick up some of the leeway. Given that I was out of commission for the best part of 3 months though I'll forgive myself for that. Maybe some of the things like visiting that historical sight near my home will have to be put off till next year as I think it closes next month for the winter and I doubt I'll be up to a visit before then. Oh well.

Number 16

So there's another one off the list.

Number 16 "to tweet" has been ticked off the list. It wasn't very exciting but if I waited for that I'd be waiting a long time. For anyone who is interested my words of wisdom they can be found here.

A productive morning

One of the good things (the only good thing) about my So is that I can't do vast amounts of housework etc. so it gives me time to sit at the laptop doing whatever it is that I want to  do without feeling guilty that I'm not cleaning the windows or something.  Well am I feeling smug?
So far today I have submitted an article to an online publisher that has used some of my stuff before, submitted an article to a print magazine editor who says that they like my writing style and sent my signed contract back to Alfie Dog so that the stories that they accepted can go live ASAP. Added to that I have also filled in my tax return. I earned next to nothing from writing last year but the good old taxman still wanted his pound of flesh. Yes well he's got it because I paid it online so that's me done with him for another year.
A productive morning I would say. However there is a small pile of ironing that I want to do. God love him, my much loved Better Half kept house and home together while I was in hospital but the ironing pile was the height of Mount Kilimanjaro. It'll be all done today though.

The real me.

I make no apologies for the drawing above. I'm more of a writer than an artist and for those that can't make out what on earth it is, it is a woman and she is dancing. Her arms and legs are all over the place but she is dancing. As it says above her head she is "carefree."

Let me explain.



During my time in critical care I had to have an ECCO cardiogram which is basically an ultrasound exam on you heart. As the technician was doing her stuff I looked at the monitor and this is what I saw. No I am not mad, I saw a woman dancing in my heart in a carefree manner. Her arms and legs were flying all over  the place to the beat of my heart and as I was tachycardic at the time there were lots of beats.
The thing is that I love to dance but don't. I might have the occasional wiggle around the kitchen when I'm cooking but that's it. But seeing this woman in my heart I realised that she is me. Somehow and I know I'm not making sense here but she represents me or rather what I want to be.
The drawing was done while I was still in ICCU on the only bit of paper that I could find while I was still on oxygen so please take that into account before you mock it. Having said that I am a carefree dancing woman so what do I care?

Preparing for number 16

Number 16 on my Fifty50 list (which I haven't given up on despite recent events) was to tweet. I've set up the account "@pinkpenwrites" but that's it so far. I need to
a) work out what the hell @'s,#'s and other random symbols mean
and
b) what I'm going to say. I didn't say that I'd be a regular tweeter just that I'd do it so if its a one off I want it to be profound.
Watch this space - I hope its worth it.

The novice I really am

I have a question and I know it's going to make me look an absolute novice but why not eh because that's what I am. I don't know the answer to this but I know that one of you will so I'd really appreciate the help.
I have a story that an editor has accepted "subject to the changes marked on the attached." The "attached" referred to is the story that I sent them. It has been returned with red marks on saying this word deleted or that word changed etc. My question is do I change the things marked and return it to them or will they do it?

Buzz

I felt the buzz of acceptance this morning and I have to say that it feels rather nice.
I've had 2 stories accepted by Alfie Dog which is an online publisher. Its a new one for me but everything is new to us all at some time.
There are a few formalities to be gone through but when the story is live I will link to it.

That List and other random catch up stuff.

Remember my Fifty50 list? The one of the 50 things that I wanted to do when I was 50.Well the last 8/9 weeks have put a dent in it and I thought I'd just have a look at it to refresh the memory. When I wrote number 50 which goes along the lines of  living the whole 365 days it was a bit of a joke. Yeah well you better believe that I'm looking at that in a whole different light now. Anyway, haven't given up on the list but I am a bit behind.
And to other stuff. After getting out of hospital and feeling well enough to attack to mountain of unopened emails I discovered that I had finally heard back from the editor who had had some fiction of mine for a while. Sadly the reply was a negative but that was okay because I had given up on it anyway. However there was also one from an editor who had read some sample articles of mine and said that they liked my style and would like me to write something for them and another email that said that I had sold an article that I had completely forgotten about. A bit of a mixed bag really.
Since coming out of hospital apart from thrice weekly trips back for dialysis I am working on getting stronger. I am doing a bit more every day and getting there slowly. I have also edited a chunk of BTL and submitted 3 short stories.
I asked myself why I was doing that because given what I've been through I wondered if writing/ earing a living as a writer is that important to me. Well earning a living from it isn't because I gave up on that pipe dream years ago. Now I write for fun, because it pleases me and because I enjoy the thrill I get when I have a piece accepted. So yes it is important to me because it makes me happy. As for BTL well I've put a lot of blood sweat and tears (no I haven't) into it and I would like to have it read by other people. I think what I am trying to say in this jumbled mixed up way that my brain seems to be working in at the moment is that if something is important to you or there is something that you want to do you should do it now while you can because you have no idea how long "now" will last. Do it - whatever it is - before its too late.
I also thought about filling in last years tax return but didn't bother. So much for practicing what I preach eh? No that was for things that you want to do. Not that I'm going to bother the chap from HMRC much given my paltry earnings last year but they are what they are and paying the bit extra that I might owe him gives me the moral high ground over Philip Green and all the rest that fiddle their taxes one way or another so its worth it to me.
Other than that I have nothing to report so here endeth the catch up before it becomes waffle.

And there's more

Some of you may have noticed more radio silence. That's because less than 48 hours after my last post I was back in hospital. To cut a very long story short I got a lung infection that put me in critical care for 2 weeks followed by 2 weeks on a ward recuperating.

I'm not going to dwell on the details but I have had a lot of thinking time which may well in the future provoke a lot of posts.

Without meaning to sound melodramatic, even though I maybe wasn't aware of it at the time, I was very seriously ill (yeah I know the fact that I was in critical care should have given the game away but somehow it didn't) and that sort of puts a new perspective on life. 

I now realise how tenuous our hold is on it. One minute you're here, the next......you know the rest. Without any rhyme reason or explanation I went from being what I thought was a perfectly healthy (apart from a cold and a bit arthritis) 50 year old to what I am 8 weeks later which is a body that is 3 stone lighter than it was then, that needs a stick to get upstairs and a sit down when it gets there and dialysis 3 times a week.

Hopefully all of this is temporary. The weakness is due to muscle waste and gradually as I move around more and get stronger that should improve, I could have done with the weight off but this is not a diet I would recommend and with any luck my kidneys will start functioning at least enough to get off dialysis.

I know what's real now. I know what's important.

Explanation for radio silence

The last time we spoke it was Friday 24th May and I was hoping to return to the day job. Yeah well that was wishful thinking.

The following Wednesday I went or the blood tests that the doctor wanted and on the Thursday I got a call asking me to go to the surgery and I didn't see home for 13 days.

The doctor said my blood had shown some unusual things and sent me to a clinic attached to a hospital about 20 miles away. I had to go there and then. Once there they did more blood tests, chest x-rays, ECG's etc and a few hours later they told me I was being admitted to the hospital. The following day I was transferred by ambulance with flashing lights to another hospital about another 20 miles away. I had no idea what was wrong with me at that stage and to be honest they was I was feeling I didn't care where I was or what anyone wanted to do to me. Doctors were telling me things but I couldn't take it in.

Turns out that I was in the hospital I was in because of its specialist renal unit and I was there because I had had acute renal failure and my kidneys had completely stopped working.

In the past two weeks I have undergone plasma exchanges, blood transfusions and lots of dialysis.

I have to have at least another 2 weeks of dialysis three times a week and then they will decide if I need another dose of a chemotherapy drug that could make my hair fall out. Did I forget to mention the chemotherapy drug? Highly unpleasant. Anyway the doctors say that they doubt the kidneys will recover to their former standard but they are hopeful that they might return to  enough of a level to be able to come off dialysis.

My life now centres around how much urine I can make and I'm sure you're glad that I shared that nugget of information with you.

Another one off the list

On Monday Himself and I had to go out on a mission that only death would have kept me from. How's that for drama? Anyway on the way back to the car we stopped off to but Number Two Son a birthday and as we walked through the department store Himself said "they remind me of the red shoes you used to have." Just to refresh your memory I have only ever had one pair of red shoes before and I was wearing them the day we met.

 

 

I suppose they are a grown up version of the ones I used to have, they are certainly better made. The originals were a bit like what an Indian Squaw would wear and were a bit on the cheap side. So I have my red shoes. They weren't quite what I had in mind but when Himself had made that comment they seemed the right ones to get. Anyway, after what's happened to me in the last week it maybe is just sensible shoes for me.

Illness update

Happy to report that I am feeling a bit better, well more than a bit actually but I don't want to hex it.
Saw my own GP on Tuesday, well to be honest it was a woman I've never seen before but that's hardly surprising as I haven't had to see a doctor for 18 years. I digress, I saw my GP on Tuesday and after reading the other doctor's report and after her own examination she said that she thought I had Strep Throat as well as pharyngitis which would explain the muscle problems. By that time you see it had become clear that it was the muscles rather than the joints that were affected and that it wasn't just my legs. So I have to carry on with the course of medication and go back for a battery of blood tests and God knows what else next Wednesday.
I hope to return to the day job on Saturday.

Not on the list and another first

Okay so I have been 50 for a month ( and 4 days) and I have something that is not and would never have been on my Fifty50 List? What's that you ask - arthritis I reply.
According to the doctor, who was perfectly lovely at such an ungodly hour on a Sunday morning, the problems with my ankles and knees is down to arthritis and the reason that it has suddenly become much worse it that the cartilage has finally gone and bone is rubbing on bone. Doesn't that sound nice? Anyway he is fairly certain that it isn't a clot because the pain isn't in my calves but just to be on the safe side I'll need to see my GP to organise an x-ray. I'll also need blood tests to check that my kidney and liver function are okay. I know that I won't be in pain all the time and I guess I'll just have to find a way of managing it. As for that "cold" that has been lingering, turns out it is a pharyngeal infection and I have anti-biotics for that.
As for my other first. Well the good doctor that he wants me to spend 4-5 days resting with my legs elevated so I should "self cert" this week. I've never done that before.

A 1(11)st

I didn't come out from under the weather I'm afraid - I went further and further under it. Now as well as the cold my ankles and knees are swollen and I can't walk very well. I short of shuffle around the place and haul my not inconsiderable weight up the stairs using the handrail. It's just a matter of time until it comes off.
I don't go to the doctor because I'm normally a healthy person but Himself begged me to try and get an appointment because he was worried about me. However after the night I've had I couldn't even wait for that and for the first time ever I have called 111. The 2 people I spoke to at 5.30 on a Sunday morning were delightful but I think the bloke might have over reacted when he wanted to send paramedics. After a second opinion it was decided I need to go to Urgent Care and was given the appointment of 1pm. Ten minutes later the nurse rang back and said that she was worried about my bouts of breathlessness which I said I thought were caused by the whole hauling the legs around thing but she said you can't be too sure. So now I have to go at 8am which isn't a problem for me because I've been up most of the night but Himself might not be so happy about the early get up.
I'll keep you all posted.

Coming out from under the weather.

Which is where I have spent most of the week.
The early part of the week was hampered by a cold that only manifested itself during the evening. I'd be okay during the day apart from the odd cough and sneeze but by 8pm my head would be banging and I'd be raging hot and freezing cold at the same time.
On Wednesday evening I thought that my shoulder hurt a bit, then later I thought it hurt a lot and by 3am Thursday I was sitting in bed sobbing with pain. Himself was on nights so I only had the dog for comfort who, being male, didn't know what to do with a crying woman. He did lick my tears away which was very sweet. Anyway by 6am I couldn't lift my arm from my side. The nature of my day job means that I am prone to damaged muscles in my arms so its not the first time its happened to me but its certainly the worst. After a day of light arm exercises, application of heat and ice plus a muscle rub and a hot bath the arm was "okay" by Friday morning and fine by lunchtime. Phew! Amputation not required.
Then yesterday (Saturday) my cold was with me all day and I felt like the dog's doodahs all day, all evening and most of the night. However I woke at 7am feeling much better hence my claim that I am coming out from under the weather.
Got there in the end eh!
I haven't felt totally well since I got back from Paris if I'm honest but hopefully this is a sign of things picking up. I haven't done any writing since then but hopefully I might actually be able to put pen to paper this week. Seems like ages since I wrote anything new, I must do something - anything.
Just thought I would share my misery with you.
Happy Sunday.