October is a time of relection for me. For those of you that were around when the "ugliness" was hanging over me you may remember that it happened in October so I do spend a lot of time "thinking" aound this time of year. So that is what I've been doing for most of the hour and a bit sice I woke up. To be honest there's not a lot else to do at 5.30 on a Sunday morning.
I thought that I would look back at what I was writing on here last year. After I'd done that I went a year further back and so on until I got to 2007 when I first started the blog. I maybe should point out that I only looked at the month of October and not everything that I ever wrote.
It was interesting that in 2007 and 2008 I used to write a list of what I had done the week before and then one of what I was going to do the week after. It was all pretty mundane stuff to be honest. I'd given up making the lists by last year. What scared me a bit - well not scared because that's ridiculous - but what I noticed was that some of the stuff that I was writing on there that I was "going" to do I still haven't done. What am I messing about at?
We're having a few days away this week so I know that I won't get much done until after that but maybe the time has come to re-evaluate what it is that I am trying to achieve from this hobby of mine. If it is just an enjoyable distraction that I do for myself just because I enjoy it? That is fine but something tells me that that isn't all I want from it. I need to be honest with myself because if I can't be honest with me then there's no hope and do something about it. I think that I sometimes say to myself that even if I don't succeed at least I'll know that I've tried. But will I because at this moment it seems to me that I've just been messing about.