Sunday, 3 October 2010

Honesty needed but not just yet.

October is a time of relection for me. For those of you that were around when the "ugliness" was hanging over me you may remember that it happened in October so I do spend a lot of time "thinking" aound this time of year. So that is what I've been doing for most of the hour and a bit sice I woke up. To be honest there's not a lot else to do at 5.30 on a Sunday morning.
I thought that I would look back at what I was writing on here last year. After I'd done that I went a year further back and so on until I got to 2007 when I first started the blog. I maybe should point out that I only looked at the month of October and not everything that I ever wrote.
It was interesting that in 2007 and 2008 I used to write a list of what I had done the week before and then one of what I was going to do the week after. It was all pretty mundane stuff to be honest. I'd given up making the lists by last year. What scared me a bit - well not scared because that's ridiculous - but what I noticed was that some of the stuff that I was writing on there that I was "going" to do I still haven't done. What am I messing about at?
We're having a few days away this week so I know that I won't get much done until after that but maybe the time has come to re-evaluate what it is that I am trying to achieve from this hobby of mine. If it is just an enjoyable distraction that I do for myself just because I enjoy it? That is fine but something tells me that that isn't all I want from it. I need to be honest with myself because if I can't be honest with me then there's no hope and do something about it. I think that I sometimes say to myself that even if I don't succeed at least I'll know that I've tried. But will I because at this moment it seems to me that I've just been messing about.


Caroline said...

Hi Colette. It's funny how this time of the year is reflection time isn't it? I'm doing exactly the same. It's all to do with Summer ending and change I think. But saying that there are important decisions to be made. I'm seriously thinking about not renewing my RNA membership next year and that means no New Writer Scheme. Which for me will mean that I probably won't bother writing any more (complete) books! That frightens me a bit if I'm honest as I so do love writing. Anyway, enough rambling, just wanted to say I feel your pain (if that's the right expression to use!) Caroline x

Suzanne Jones said...

Okay, bossy boots hat on: You must concentrate on everything you've done, rather than things you haven't. You'll find you've achieved a great deal and should be proud of yourself.

Have a lovely time away - you deserve it.


Colette McCormick said...

Caroline - what has prompted that decision? Will you concentrate on shorter pieces.
Suzanne - okay bossy boots. Just kidding. Thanks - I know that you're right.

Jarmara Falconer said...

I guess that shows we all need longer days. I wouldn't see it as 'messing' around though, more putting in the groundwork for the big time.
Keep on writing, my dear friend.

Colette McCormick said...

Jarmara - I think that the "messing around" comment came from the idea that I wasn't taking it seriously enough but like you say, I'm putting in the groundwork. Are you definitley going to be writing full time from the end of the year?