Illness update

Happy to report that I am feeling a bit better, well more than a bit actually but I don't want to hex it.
Saw my own GP on Tuesday, well to be honest it was a woman I've never seen before but that's hardly surprising as I haven't had to see a doctor for 18 years. I digress, I saw my GP on Tuesday and after reading the other doctor's report and after her own examination she said that she thought I had Strep Throat as well as pharyngitis which would explain the muscle problems. By that time you see it had become clear that it was the muscles rather than the joints that were affected and that it wasn't just my legs. So I have to carry on with the course of medication and go back for a battery of blood tests and God knows what else next Wednesday.
I hope to return to the day job on Saturday.

Not on the list and another first

Okay so I have been 50 for a month ( and 4 days) and I have something that is not and would never have been on my Fifty50 List? What's that you ask - arthritis I reply.
According to the doctor, who was perfectly lovely at such an ungodly hour on a Sunday morning, the problems with my ankles and knees is down to arthritis and the reason that it has suddenly become much worse it that the cartilage has finally gone and bone is rubbing on bone. Doesn't that sound nice? Anyway he is fairly certain that it isn't a clot because the pain isn't in my calves but just to be on the safe side I'll need to see my GP to organise an x-ray. I'll also need blood tests to check that my kidney and liver function are okay. I know that I won't be in pain all the time and I guess I'll just have to find a way of managing it. As for that "cold" that has been lingering, turns out it is a pharyngeal infection and I have anti-biotics for that.
As for my other first. Well the good doctor that he wants me to spend 4-5 days resting with my legs elevated so I should "self cert" this week. I've never done that before.

A 1(11)st

I didn't come out from under the weather I'm afraid - I went further and further under it. Now as well as the cold my ankles and knees are swollen and I can't walk very well. I short of shuffle around the place and haul my not inconsiderable weight up the stairs using the handrail. It's just a matter of time until it comes off.
I don't go to the doctor because I'm normally a healthy person but Himself begged me to try and get an appointment because he was worried about me. However after the night I've had I couldn't even wait for that and for the first time ever I have called 111. The 2 people I spoke to at 5.30 on a Sunday morning were delightful but I think the bloke might have over reacted when he wanted to send paramedics. After a second opinion it was decided I need to go to Urgent Care and was given the appointment of 1pm. Ten minutes later the nurse rang back and said that she was worried about my bouts of breathlessness which I said I thought were caused by the whole hauling the legs around thing but she said you can't be too sure. So now I have to go at 8am which isn't a problem for me because I've been up most of the night but Himself might not be so happy about the early get up.
I'll keep you all posted.

Coming out from under the weather.

Which is where I have spent most of the week.
The early part of the week was hampered by a cold that only manifested itself during the evening. I'd be okay during the day apart from the odd cough and sneeze but by 8pm my head would be banging and I'd be raging hot and freezing cold at the same time.
On Wednesday evening I thought that my shoulder hurt a bit, then later I thought it hurt a lot and by 3am Thursday I was sitting in bed sobbing with pain. Himself was on nights so I only had the dog for comfort who, being male, didn't know what to do with a crying woman. He did lick my tears away which was very sweet. Anyway by 6am I couldn't lift my arm from my side. The nature of my day job means that I am prone to damaged muscles in my arms so its not the first time its happened to me but its certainly the worst. After a day of light arm exercises, application of heat and ice plus a muscle rub and a hot bath the arm was "okay" by Friday morning and fine by lunchtime. Phew! Amputation not required.
Then yesterday (Saturday) my cold was with me all day and I felt like the dog's doodahs all day, all evening and most of the night. However I woke at 7am feeling much better hence my claim that I am coming out from under the weather.
Got there in the end eh!
I haven't felt totally well since I got back from Paris if I'm honest but hopefully this is a sign of things picking up. I haven't done any writing since then but hopefully I might actually be able to put pen to paper this week. Seems like ages since I wrote anything new, I must do something - anything.
Just thought I would share my misery with you.
Happy Sunday.

: ; ?

The colon and the semi colon, oh how I wish I knew what you were all about?
I studied English to A level but I don't ever remember being taught what they were for or where to use them.
Now that I am of an age where I don't mind admitting when I don't know something I'm admitting it. There, I've said it, I don't know what they are for.
Can anyone help me please?

A funny thing happened....

..to me this morning.
Picture the scene  - early morning (6.25am), overcast and a bit chilly. I am suitably dressed in a bright yellow fleece fastened up to my neck and my hair isn't combed because who the hell am I going to see at that time in the morning. Zac is attired in his harness (he's a puller) and lead and with Frisbees at the ready we leave the house and I lock the door. Upon turning to leave the house who or rather what should I see strolling along the street but a policeman, a bobby on the beat if you will.
He rightly says that I might be surprised to see him on his beat this early which I confirm is the truth and he says that he is trying to catch people who allow their dogs to foul the pavement. He accepts that the pavements where we are, are very clean but says that there is a problem in another part of the village.
I assure him that at this time in the morning he is unlikely to see anybody apart from me and maybe the bloke that lives around the corner who will be walking his dog in the field at the end of the street or down by the river.
Before leaving he tells me that if I have a problem to ring 101 and ask for him.
My son thinks it was someone having a laugh on his way home from a fancy dress party and to be honest I'm not sure he's wrong.

Number 29

I started to put money into a bottle today (number 29 on my list)  and when its full I'm going to find a charity and give it to them. When I came up with this idea it seemed so simple but it isn't. Apart from a milk bottle (can you still get them?) it is really hard to find a bottle where the top is wide enough to get through. The first two bottles I found were way too small but then I found this one.



Sadly though for the poor so and so that has to count them when its full you can only fit 1p's and 5p's in it.



Beyond excited

As stated in the title, I am beyond excited with w recent acquisition.
I have said on many an occasion that one of my favourite authors is Ed McBain a.k.a. Evan Hunter. My love of Mr McBain started after I read "Ghosts"  many years ago. Its a book set in a fictional city about a group of detectives that work there. What sets these books apart for me is the dialogue. Ed wrote great dialogue. Coming across Ed McBain books is an easy enough thing to do especially for someone who works in the charity retail sector and I have a large collection of them. However books written as Evan Hunter is a different kettle of fish entirely. There aren't many of them and they are not so easy to find and in the 12 years I've been doing the job we've only had a few pass through our hands. They are completely different to the books written by his alto ego but the two I have read in the past have been compelling reading. Santa brought me a third which I haven't read yet and yesterday Himself found me another two one of which is "The Blackboard Jungle." I cannot describe how happy I was.
I was going to try to read "Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee" (again) after I've finished reading the book after the one I'm reading at the moment but that may have been postponed a week or two.

Coming home

I don't know why I did it but I did but now I've changed my mind so I've stopped it. How many of you read that sentence more than once before you made sense of it?
Basically as I have mentioned more than once I have a Fifty50 plan i.e. a list of 50 things that I want to do in my 50th year and I was blogging about it in a different place. However I never really felt the love for that other place. This is my blog. This is where I feel comfortable. So from now on I'll tell you about everything "me" (be it Fifty50 related or not) here.
The first 13 days are recorded on the link at the top of the page but anything new will be here on my blogging home.
Oh and the list, you know "the list"  can be viewed on the link by the same name at the top of the page and the ones in red are the things that I have done. Okay, I'm over explaining now so I'm going to shut up.

Experimental relaxation.

I've ticked another thing off my Fifty50 list so I'm feeling good about that.  I've also tackled a but more of BTL so that's good too. Thought I'd mention it here because I appear to be talking to myself over there but that's okay because it won't be the first time.
I made an experimental (for me) cake today - Sultana and apple. It was actually delicious actually much to Zac's annoyance. He's partial to a bit of cake but he's due at the vets for his annual check up in the next week or so he's watching what he eats. Well no to be honest he'd eat cake for breakfast dinner and tea but we are watching what he eats. When we got him as a emaciated one year old who had lived off scraps from a pub we soon discovered how much he loved bread and cakes and five years later he's still the same.
I love to bake on my day off - it is so relaxing.

WN?

I'm just checking. Was it May that Jill from WN said that she'd be accepting new submissions from? I have a couple outstanding with her but I've given up on them - I fear that the rejections may have gone to my spam folder when I was having trouble with my email - but I have another one that I think might interest her.
Would appreciate the any help.

Not again!

One of the things on my list for this year is to "find a publisher for BTL even if its me" or words to that effect. Now as many of you will know BTL and I have enjoyed or is it endured a long relationship which has involved, amongst other things, more than one re-write. Well whatever is going to happen to it, it needs to be gone through one more time and I chose today to start that task. But the thought of reading through those first few chapters filled me with dread. I've read them a thousand times.
I started this task a couple of months ago but became a bit side tracked when the Paris trip came over the horizon. I had changed the MC's "voice" a little so I knew that I would have to go through it again just to get a feel for what I had changed but I wasn't looking forward to it.
I know that when I get past the first few chapters it'll be okay because they are the chapters that I know so well having almost polished them to death but once I get further into the book I think that it will be like reading a new book because while I remember how it ends I don't remember exactly how we got there.
I'm looking forward to that.

Unexpected find.

I decided to do a bit of de-cluttering while I was running the bath and tidy up a corner of the bedroom. There, amongst the birthday cards that I've bought in advance and want to keep and the junk that needed throwing away I came across an article that I wrote God knows when. It reads a bit like an advert if I'm honest but I think that I can probably do something with it after a bit of tweaking.
Result.

Reality calling

My other blog seems to be taking its time inspiring anyone to visit it on a regular basis but at least over here I know for the most part that I'm not talking to myself so here goes.
Arrgghh!
As I have said many times before I treat this blog as a conversation and when something has been said it can't be unsaid but please ignore that first sentence and the wallowing that it involved.
I have to go back to the real world tomorrow after a wonderful week celebrating my 50th birthday (don't know but I might have mentioned that before) and to be honest I'm not looking forward to it. I have enjoyed a week of complete wonderfulness and to be honest the mundane just isn't so appealing.
The worst part of my day job is wondering what I am going back to after a week off. Hopefully things will have gone according to the plan I left but that's not always the case.
One of the things on that list in the other place is to get the pink pen out more and I did come up with a title last night. Not quite sure what or where I could apply it yet but I'll give it some thought. I don't need to tell any of you how weird it is when something, an idea just pops into your head. I still find it weird though. Where do they come from?
The weather's not so nice today not that that stops Zac from wanting go for a walk so that'll be on the agenda for this morning. In fact here is a picture of the lovely Zac for no other reason than he is lovely.

 

That particular Frisbee is long gone but he does have a fine collection so maybe we'll take one on our walk. After that I have a family lunch to cook, I mean Sunday is Sunday after all and there has to be a roast. Maybe after that I'll fit in a bubble bath and probably manage to choke down a bottle of wine tonight. Not a bad way to spend the last day away from reality.

Actually by 10 o'clock tomorrow I know I'll be fine but its just the thought of it that makes me squirm.

Sorry for the moan and thanks for listening.

Officially 50

Okay so I am officially 50 and do you know what it feels great. You can read all about what I was bursting about if you click on the Fifty50 link at the top of this page which will take you to my other blog. I'll give you a clue though.

However now that I am back I feel focused and raring to go.

Almost at bursting point

I am bursting with excitement because Himself has come up with a wonderful way to celebrate that big birthday that I have tomorrow. I'm not going to mention it here because I don't want to hex it but needless to say more will follow here and in that other place that you can access should you wish to via the Fifty50 link at the top of the page. Incidentally I haven't provided that link yet so I hope I can do it. Okay I'm gabbling now and that is because of my excitement so I'm going to go before I burst and make a mess of the screen.
See you all in a few days.

Lists, boots and Spring on the way.

First things first, my Fifty50 list i.e. the 50 things that I want to do in when I'm 50 is ready and if you want to you can view it here.
And now onto things pink pen related. It occurred to me today that one of the first things that I ever tried to get published was a children's story. This was about 35 years ago and the editor said that it was a lovely story that was written well but that it lacked danger and children liked danger. It was a story about a plastic duck as I recall. I have always hankered after writing children's stories because I think its important that they read although to be honest the stuff that I write is aimed more at the being read to at bedtime market. Anyway nothing ever did come of that story but I'm sure if I look hard enough I'll still have a copy somewhere (reference the list about hoarding). Then I started thinking about a children's story that I wrote a couple of years ago which when I sent to editors was met with a similar response. Editors said that they liked the writing but didn't take it on. The trouble wasn't that this one lacked danger but that its length didn't fit into the right slot. I've been thinking a lot about that story and maybe I'll see if I can do anything with it. If they were ever to be published I would want to use the name Sarah Maye which was my paternal grandmother's name and I love it so it would be great to see it sitting on a book shelf.
Other than that I wore a pair of shoes to work for the first time since September which was a pleasure. Not that I've been going barefoot because I haven't, no that would be silly, it has been boot weather since then both because of the cold and the snow. Today however it looked like Spring might be on the way. Hoorah!!!

A lovely day.

I have had a truly lovely day and as its to do with my Fifty50 project you can read all about it here. I have to be honest, I'm not doing much writing at the moment but I will get down to some in a couple of weeks time.

Cats, pheasants and the return of the pen.

I was thinking earlier on (hence the headache) and trying to work out what has gone wrong so to speak. As I mentioned in a previous post I have had nothing published in the last 12 months and I wondered why. I've never been a prolific writer in terms of what I've had published but there's usually the odd thing to my name, so why not last year?
Well the simple truth is that I didn't write a lot which will explain it. But I think the problem for me has been that what I did write I wrote without the aid of the pink pen - I typed it straight onto my laptop. Maybe that has contributed to my downfall though actually I wasn't very far up the ladder so it hasn't been much of a descent. Before I always wrote in long hand with my pink pen and then used the typing process as an editing stage to change things along the way and it worked for me. I can't remember why I changed that habit but I shall try adopting it again. In fact, I already have. I got the pink pen and a pad out this morning and jotted down 100 words or so as I was having tea and toast for breakfast. Its the start of a Christmas story. Yes I know its only April (already?)but these things have to be submitted well in advance and to be fair it is so cold and even still a bit snowy here that it feels a bit like Christmas anyway.
On a different note I saw a dead cat when I went for milk this morning and it was horrible. It was in  the side of the road and I tried ringing the council who are apparently the people to ring in this situation but it being Easter Monday there was no one there. I thought if taking it to a vet but it was way beyond a vet's help and to be honest I don't think I could have scooped it all up. Poor kitty. And if that wasn't bad enough a few hundred yards further down the road a flamin' pheasant wandered into the road. Luckily (for both of us) it wasn't on my side of the road and I had seen it well in advance which gave me a chance to slow down and stop to wait for it tp make up its mind what it was going to do. The bloke behind me wasn't happy though - I thought his hand was stuck on the horn.
Oh well back to pen and paper. I guess I'm old fashioned but I make no apology for that.

Bring on the sun.

I don't know if its the weather, my age, the pressure of the day job or maybe a combination of them all but I feel so lethargic at the moment.
I want to write something new but my daily window of opportunity for writing comes at a time of the day when I am absolutely shattered and I can't think straight. I used to find time to write and it wasn't in the time slot I now have so I'm trying to remember who I did it.
Its not just writing though, everything seems a bit of a chore at the moment.
Maybe it'll be easier when it gets warm again - if it ever does. I am so sick of this weather.

Reality Blog Award

Thanks to Anne for nominating me for this award






The award is lovely as are the rules which are nice and short;

The rules are -  visit the person of the blog who nominated you and link to them on your post. Answer the questions, nominate more bloggers and let them know.

1. If you could change one thing, what would it be?
Men would have to keep their shirts on in the street during the summer - in fact all year round. I know I'd miss out on the odd (very odd) Adonis but at least I'd be spared the sight of rolls upon rolls of tattooed flab.

2. If you could repeat an age, what would it be
My early twenties so that I could relive the days when my sons were small.

3. What one thing really scares you?
Something dreadful happening to my sons.

 

4. If you could be someone else for a day, who would it be?
A first class passenger on the Titanic as long as it was a day between 10th and 13th April 1912. If it was the 14th we would hit the iceberg late at night and if it was the 15th we'd sink in the early hours so I wouldn't fancy either of those days thank you very much.

I'm supposed to nominate people for this award but I always struggle to choose just a few and besides, I know a few of you already have it so without wishing to cop out I nominate anyone who hasn't received it yet.

I give up

I don't mean to sound defeatist because that is not who I am or what I am about but it occurred to me yesterday that I need to give up on the last year.
I tend to work from April to April in writing terms - it's what I do in the day job and it just seems to naturally transfer itself to writing  - and to be honest with April fast approaching I realise that the year 2102/2013 has not been a raging success in fact, being perfectly honest I have had nothing (as in 0) published and I will be almost embarrassed to declare my extra earnings to the taxman. He'll take a look at my meagre royalty payments and feel sorry for me.
To be fair to me though I didn't submit much until about October.
I do still have a few things out there but they are with the editor that I nudged a few weeks ago so I have pretty much given up on those.
But I have had bad days/weeks/years in my day job though and the only way to deal with it is to put it behind you and concentrate on the next one which is what I'm going to do. I think I might have mentioned it before but next year I will have another project that I will be working on but I want to also find time for more writing. Maybe I could combine the two.

Surprise!!! Maybe.

I'm almost certain that my volunteers are planning a surprise for that big birthday that's fast approaching. I keep coming across them with their heads together and conversations stop when I come near, bless 'em - though I might not be saying that if there's a banner hanging over the monument when I  drive to work and 50 balloons hanging out the front of the shop.
There's not a lot, well nothing happening on the writing front at the moment though I do promise to knuckle down to some scribbling and editing soon. I haven't sent anything new out for ages and there's no news on what is already out there. I just can't seem to get into the way of it at the moment so its a good job that its not my job or we'd be starving.
I'm still trying to come up with the list of 50 things for that other blog but am currently stuck on number 32. Who would have thought that it would be so difficult? Maybe one of the things should be to tell my everyday friends that I enjoy writing - nah maybe not. I want it to be a list of things that I can do and I'm not sure I could do that one.
Anyway enough of this waffle. I just thought I'd drop by and let you know that I was still here
TTFN

Cosiness returns

I am happy to report that the very nice chappie from British Gas has been and cosiness has been returned to the bedroom. Turns out that a valve had decided to turn itself off for no apparent reason (which is a bit of a worry) but its back where it should be now. So no more random midnight posts as I avoid going to a cold bedroom. Is that a collective sigh of relief I hear?
On a different note I'm finding myself really looking forward to that "BIG" birthday year (the one I'll be blogging about here) in five and a bit weeks time. It feels like a new beginning, like the first 49 years were for learning and the rest are for living or something like that. To be honest I'm not sure that I've learned a whole lot in the first 49 years other than you should never take your happiness for granted because life has a way of kicking you in the teeth. That's just given me an idea for a blog post - what I've learned in the first 49 years.
I finished "Death Comes to Pemberley." today which I thoroughly enjoyed so now we have the major decision of what to read next to contend with.
You'll gather by all of this that news is very thin on the writing front. Still no word from the editor that I nudged a few weeks ago so I think that I can probably give up on those three stories and everything else I have is non fiction so I don't expect to hear about them just yet. I haven't written much recently apart from this and the other blog - too busy trying to come up with a list of 50 things to do next year. I had no idea it would be this hard.
I'm also feeling a bit of a revamp coming on with this blog but that's for another time. Right now there is cannelloni to make.

As promised.

As promised last night when extreme tiredness and a reluctance to go to a radiator less bedroom induced a random post here is the bit of me that I said I would share. This story if you can call it that was written when I was going through my "very" short fiction phase.
Hope you enjoy.

On the Bridge at Dawn

 By

 Colette McCormick

.

Marion stood on the stone bridge and looked over its edge at the deep waters below. How had it come to this? When did it get this bad? There were so many questions but so few answers.

Marion knew what she had to do. She had known for weeks but had lacked the courage until now. Was it courage or was it desperation? Did it really matter?

In her younger days Marion could have hopped on top of the wall at the bridge’s edge with one leap. But that was many years and several stones ago. Now she would need help.

She looked at the wooden box in her hand. She placed it on the floor with deliberation. She knew that it would take her weight. She had tested it last night.

Slowly she climbed on to it.

Damn, she was still too low. She had underestimated the height of the wall.

Her mind raced frantically, desperate to come up with a solution. She had come so far, too far to go back.

Marion hitched up her skirt exposing a knee that was encased in a heavy surgical dressing. Forcing it to bend was a struggle but Marion fought the pain. Physical pain meant nothing to Marion anymore.

She forced the knee on to the top of the wall and looked around for something to pull herself up with. There was nothing.

She put the palms of her hands on the wall and tried to push off from the leg that still stood on the box. Could she support her weight? She would have to.

But she could not.

Wrists weak from arthritis gave way under her bulk, her weight dropping back on to her standing leg. The box underneath that leg slipped under the unusual pressure.

Marion heard a crack as she fell but her knee remained where it was wedged on top of the wall. She felt a needle of pain shoot through her standing leg as it landed on the floor. That knee gave way beneath her.

As the leg crumpled she fell backwards and in the split second that it took for her to fall to the floor she noticed with extreme clarity the beauty of the dawn sky. And after the bang of the head on the cobbles came the darkness.

And after that?

Nothing.

Random waffle to avoid the inevitable

I see I have lost a follower which is very careless of me. Note to self - be more interesting.
I'm thinking of posting something I have written here for no other reason than I think I would like to share something with those of you that are left but I haven't decided what yet.
I could waffle on a bit more but I'm just putting off going to bed. The radiator in our room isn't working and it is frreeeezing. Himself put a little fan heater on in there for me before he went to bed but ... oh its just not the same.
Can't put it off any longer though I have to be up in just over 6 hours.

Thought provocation.

My other blog hasn't reached the particularly interesting stage yet though I hope it will, but thinking about it has or rather is proving to be ...well though provoking.
When I was a little girl I was hit by a car. I was thrown into the air and landed in a gutter. My head was open from front to back on my left side and I was unconscious. I remained unconscious for four days and when I woke up it was apparent that I had suffered paralysis down my left side. My parents had been told to expect the worse but my waking up was a good sign.
After a week in hospital I was transferred to a convalescent home and in fact, the first thing that I can remember about the incident is realising that I was in an ambulance going up a steep driveway. I don't remember much else about the week I stayed in there other than a doctor who said I wouldn't be able to go home until I could smile from ear to ear and grinning like a Cheshire cat at him and the daily game of "Simon Says" to get my left hand/arm working. Oh, lets not forget my sister (who is 12 years older than me) holding my head still while a nurse took my stiches out.
Anyway, without labouring a point, I could have died then but I didn't and I've had a couple of other near misses along the way too and this week I asked myself why.
Why didn't I die then?
I'll let you know if I ever work out the answer.

Email

I had an email today from a magazine editor who had asked for some non fiction ideas which I duly provided. Well the ideas didn't blow them away but they have asked to see some writing samples. I have now provided them and I'll wait another 2 months for a reply. I don't mean that to sound the way that I realise it does because this particular editor always takes that length of time so I'll not be looking out for a reply any time soon.

Second nudge?

Two weeks ago I nudged the editor that had had a couple of my stories for 9 months. You may remember that I was uncomfortable doing it. I read today that Jill Finlay has had to put a stop to submissions for a couple of months and reading womags post you can appreciate the amount of work that an editor has to do. I haven't heard anything back from my nudging yet but I guess I can forgive them for that. Just out of interest how long do you give it before you give a second nudge?

More of me

This is what I hinted at last week.

Sorry for the dullness.

Apologies for my previous post which was dull, dull and then a bit duller. However in its own way it served a purpose because it has prompted me into action, well only in a manner of speaking anyway. There will be more procrastination involved first but then there will be some action - I promise but more of that next week. There will also be writing in that notebook (the one that I don't want to write in because its so pretty) because I have come up with the perfect thing for it - the thing that I must have been waiting for. But like I said, more of that later.
On a different note, hasn't it been a lovely day, maybe spring really is on the way.

A new level.

I have realised that I am not alone with feeling awkward about (metaphorically) nudging editors that haven't got back to you and I have a feeling that I am not alone with this one either.
A am such a procrastinator. I believe I may have taken it to another level.
Any tips on getting beyond it?

Nudging

Heard on the grapevine (well Facebook) yesterday that an editor is up to date with the stories that they have received for which I am sure they were doing a happy dance. However, I sent them a story back in the first half of 2012 that I still haven't heard about  so I have had to email them and ask about it. Why do I always feel like a pest when I do that. Not that I have done it very often but when I have, I 've always felt like I'm being a nuisance.

My thoughts on friends

Giving a friend your work to read is a tricky one. Like everyone has said, and I am with them on this one, how can you tell a friend if their stuff is bad? You can't, well not without possibly ruining a beautiful friendship.
The good thing about JW (maybe I'll ask her if I can use her name) is that she is like a sister to me. We are much closer to each other than we are to our own sisters but even so I never ask her to be objective about my writing. I often ask her if she has enjoyed something and to be honest it wouldn't be the first time that she said "No," but always in a nice way. Its the same when she sends me a copy of some new artwork that she's created. About 90% of the time I look at something she sends me and think "What the ...?" and I'll say something along the lines of it not being my cup of tea but then every now and then she'll send me something that I think is brilliant and I tell her so.
Anyway, I don't think that I made myself clear in my last post. All that JW is doing is interpreting the editor's email for me - to read between the lines if you will. Its part of her job just in a different field so it's a bit like asking an estate agent to tell you what a house spec really means. As for RS, I never and I mean NEVER give her anything to read because she is too sweet to be objective about anything that any of her friends do and that is part of the reason that we love her. She was just commenting during a conversation that we had.
Its a bit like my day job. I am a "friend" to the paid staff that I work directly with on a daily basis but not really friends with if that makes sense. I have to keep that distance because I have to manage them and it would be really hard to tell a friend that something they had done was totally wrong
To my way of thinking friends are friends and professionals are professionals and they should both be treated as such.
The good thing for me is that JW and RS are two of the few people that know that I write so its not usually a problem.

Friends

I asked my very good friend JW what she thought I should do about the editorial service dilemma. I have known JW for 30 odd years and although she is more of an artist ( well a very successful one) than a writer in her job commissioning artwork she is pretty savvy about things.
Anyway, like me she was initially sceptical but she asked if she could see the 300 words that I sent as well as the whole email reply so that she can judge better. I'm waiting for the verdict. She also asked if I knew anyone personally that could do it and I said that I didn't. At least I don't think I do. Anyone an editor on the quiet?
Another friend RS who does write but just for fun not publication asked me if I had considered that the sample might actually be almost flawless grammatically and create the atmosphere that the editor described. After all, wasn't that what I was going for. Oddly enough no I hadn't but that might be because I know I'm not William Shakespeare. Lovely R said I should think about it.

A morning's work

I'm having a week off from the day job (well apart from tomorrow when I have to attend a meeting - okay so I don't have to but its Health and Safety and if you don't go you have to attend a mop up sometimes quite a distance away with people you don't know so I figured that I may as well get it over with) and the first good thing about that is waking up naturally. Okay so I know I only slept until 6.41 but when you're alarm normally wakes you at 6.15 that's a lie in.
Anyway at 10.30 I am going to see the lovely Stephen who (thanks to his magic fingers) will turn me into a new woman. I am at this moment like a sheep that needs shearing but after an hour or so in the chair with gunk on my head to perk up the colour (not to mention cover the grey) and half an hour's snipping away I will be a new me. I always say that I am going to go to the hairdressers more often because people say I look years younger after a visit (cheers - thanks for that) but its a logistical thing, namely that I almost always have a Thursday off work and so does Steve. Anyway that's what I'm doing this morning.

Jacqui Bennet

The above mentioned worked closely with the Writers Bureau which is a course that I did and is probably the reason that her name stuck with me. has anyone ever  used her critique service and if so can you recommend her? If you can't I'd be interested in hearing that too.

First 300 words

When I asked for suggestions for editorial services the other day, Frances came up with the name of one that I had heard of so I thought I'd look into them. However - and this is probably something to do with my age - by the time I got to looking them up I'd changed them to a completely different agency that I have also heard of. By that time it was too late though because I had already sent a 300 word sample to Jacqui Bennett, not Hilary Johnson as Frances had suggested. It's an easy mistake to make - not.
Anyway I am getting to the crux of the post. I have heard back from Doug who was the poor bloke unlucky enough to get my sample and after the explanation of what his marks and squiggles meant, and saying that it was almost "flawless" grammatically (should be considering I've only gone over it a million times) this is what he said:

"It’s not clear to me at this stage whether this is fiction or non-fiction, but whichever it is, you’ve set up the framework of your story extremely well, with a tremendous amount of mystery and panicky apprehension accompanying the narrator’s sudden blindness. Strangely, there’s almost a breathless excitement in the air as his or her anxiety creases. This sort of writing, early on, has the potential to involve your readers, and so they are more likely to keep turning the pages."

So I should be pleased, you think? No I am sceptical. I mean I know (as do you all because I've told you often enough) that I love BTL but here's someone else telling me that the first 300 words at least aren't bad and I can't help thinking - really?
So now I'm thinking is Doug telling the truth and maybe there is potential in my book (there is massive potential in my head but this is the real world) or is he just saying that because he wants me to buy the full service?
I will just clarify though that I in no way mean to impugn Doug's professional integrity, it is just me returning to type i.e. a cynic. 

Suggestions please

I will at some point be getting a professional to cast their eye (well both of them hopefully) over BTL. Can anyone recommend one?

A proper moody mare.

It's been an odd sort of day, one that has been thoroughly miserable for no particular reason. It's just the way that I have felt.
I have been known to have the odd "dark" time in the past but I usually shake it off after an hour or so - sometimes it just lasts a few minutes but today it has gone on all day. Hopefully I will wake up in a different mood tomorrow.
I was going to submit a short story to WN but then I remembered that there are at least 3 outstanding stories with Jill at the moment anyway one of them from months ago so I figure she has a backlog and so I decided to give it a miss. It probably wouldn't have stood a chance anyway because I'd be sending bad karma with it.
Then I realised that I had 4 anonymous comments from robots so I had to change my settings which isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things but just an annoyance that my mood blew out of all proportions.
Anyway here's to a better day tomorrow and thank you for listening (well reading).
BTW where does the full stop go in that last sentence? Is it inside or outside the brackets? I've always been a bit hazy on that one.

Oops

Can you believe it? I can because I know how lax I am about backing up.
I just realised today that me "What's Where" file as in what I have sent to whom has not been saved to the portable drive. It is on the old laptop which after a short illness actually died last Friday. Oh bother!!!
Luckily for me though I think that is the only thing that hasn't been saved and to be honest there wasn't a lot in it at the moment. I know that I had 3 or 4 (think it was 3) stories with WN since sometime last year and there were a couple with TLFF. Sadly I can't remember which stories. There was also a non fiction piece or two but I remember what is where on that score.
So - note to self, let that be a lesson to you (or me) to back EVERYTHING up as I do it. Can't even tell you how bad the "what have I always told you?" looks Himself was giving me were like.

Must try harder

Yes I know that  I said I was going to be a better blogger this year but that went the way of most New Years Resolutions - that is to say out of the window.
However I'm here now.
Well I got a new laptop (remember the old one had a dodgy "s" and had started to do random things?) and I have been trying to get to grips with Windows 8. I can't pretend that I am a massive fan but I am getting my head around it. Until I do, Himself has set up the desktop so that it has a familiar look about it which is very comforting.
On the writing front, I made my first submission of the year this week. I'm still waiting to hear from the editors that I spoke to before Christmas about the non fiction possibilities. Like I said though I have worked with them before and the delay is not unusual. As for BTL, the nugget that was in my head is still there. Basically I have pretty much given up hope of ever finding an agent due to various reasons and so I will have to make it happen for myself which will probably mean self publishing later in the year. I always said that was a route that I wouldn't go down because people were supposed to pay you to publish your book and anything else meant that you weren't a real writer but the world has changed and whether I like it or not technology is the future so maybe I will embrace the e-book.
Other than that the weather has been horrible. and getting about last week was a bit of a nightmare. The most ridiculous thing was going to bed on Friday night to about a foot and a half of snow outside only to have that reduced to a couple of inches by Saturday morning.
Weird.

Temptations.

I know this sounds completely bonkers but I also know that there will be more than one person out there who feels the way I do.
I have had a new notebook in  drawer for years.It is a beautiful notebook with crisp, lean white pages encased within the hard cover that is decorated with a picture of an angel and has the word "Dreams" written on it. This notebook is sooooooooo prreeettty and I have been reluctant to write in it since the day I got it and have had no difficulty in resisting the temptation.
However the temptation is getting too much for me today and I really want to write in it.

Pet hates

I read earlier today about the huge amount of food that gets wasted every year and I have to say that wasting food is my pet hate. I can't bear it and try to avoid it at all costs. This got me thinking about what else I hate and this is what I came up with.
2. (number 1 is the food thing) People that don't pick up their dogs poop.
3. Technology when it doesn't work.
4. When you answer the phone only to find that its a machine trying to sell you something that you don't want.
5. Cleaning the oven.
Any one for any more?

Brian Who?

The nugget of a plan has lodged itself in my head (the brain doesn't take up a lot of space so there's plenty of room)   which involved me going through my short story folder. And what do you suppose I found there? Well without wishing to state the obvious I found short stories there but not only that I found loads of UNFINISHED short stories.
As I was reading through them I was trying to remember where I planned on them going and in most cases (well alright all) I can't remember. This is a pity because one of them in particular would be perfect. I like the start of it but I just cannot for the life of me remember how I meant it to end.
So now I have another nugget of plan i.e. to finish some of these short stories, but like I said there is plenty of room for nuggets in my head.
How odd is this though? Of the first two unfinished stories that I read, there was a man called Brian.

A Conundrum shared

Well the whole Christmas/New Year hullaballoo is over for another year and its time for us all to get back to normal - whatever that is.
For me that sort of starts today as my normal work pattern will resume so I might at least know what day it is without having to give it too much thought. Today is a bit unusual for me though as I am on my own this morning (even the dog has deserted me) but that has given me the opportunity to work on BTL a bit - or at least read through what I have - which is a bit of  a conundrum.
I will try to be brief.
There are 2 versions of BTL
1. The finished one that has E and G all the way through,
and
2. The rewrite that was started when an agent was interested in it but wanted rid of G.
Here is my conundrum.
I am trying to incorporate the two because I like E's voice in the rewrite though to be honest she is dipping in and out of it a bit at the minute. But I also like G. Now in the rewrite I introduced him without mentioning him - just as someone E saw but now I need them to actually "meet" and that is proving a little difficult. I'm sure its nothing that I can't overcome but it is giving me food for thought at the moment.
On a different note, I had an email from an editor asking of I had anything on several given subjects and I replied. The thing is, this editor (God love them) takes weeeekkkkkks nay months sometimes to reply so I could have a long wait there.
Also, remember the keyboard problem that I was having before Christmas - the "s" didn't work and so Himself hooked me up with an on screen keyboard to get around the problem. Well they keyboard that was broken has now been replaced - by a mini one - or at least it feels that way. It is smaller and more compact and very pretty but the keys just aren't where I'm used to them being which is leading to a lot of typos.
Other than that everything is okay and so far so good for 2013 though its early days yet.

New Years resolution number 1....

will be to be a better blogger. I noticed that my last visit here was December 5th and that surprised me because I thought it had been longer than that.
Not that I had a lot to say or anything to report really so you have missed very little by my not being here but it would have been nice if I'd dropped in from time to time even if it was just to say hello.
Christmas was lovely and I hope you can all say the same but that's over and done with for another year and here we are at the start of 2013. So, quick straw poll if I may, is it 20 13 or is it 2000 and 13? I'm flipping between the two at the moment but it's not been much of a problem for me so far as the only people I've spoken to in the first 10 hours of 2013 were my parents at midnight, my youngest son on my way to bed, Himself when he came in from night shift and a woman walking her own dog when I was out with mine and the subject of what to call the year hasn't come up with any of them. I'd like to know what we're calling it though, or future reference.
I'm not really making resolutions this year (apart from to be a better blogger of course) because a) making wholesale changes all at once is not realistic and b) if you want to change something in your life you should do it now - no matter what time of year it is.
I have a plan for what I want to achieve from writing in the next 12 months and its a bit different from what I have strived for in recent years but I think I am being realistic. Its just a rough outline in my head at the moment but I'm working on it.
2013 has one of those "special" birthdays for me - you know the ones they have a 0 at the end of them - and finally I am starting to feel comfortable with myself. Shame it took me blank 9 years to work it out.
I have a warm and fuzzy feeling this morning which may not last once the rest of the household rises (at the moment its just me and the dog and he's asleep on the sofa) but for now I am content.
Happy New Year everyone.
x

Off to the shops today - not my favourite way to spend a day but kind of exciting in this instance mainly because I am on a mission. I have things to buy so armed with my comprehensive list and with Himself at my side to lug the heavy bags I'm going in. I hope to survive the day.
More will follow in disaptches.

Sue and other stuff

I was talking to an acquaintance (let's call her Sue - not her real name) the other day who has found herself in a place and a time in her life when she is free to move away from where she lives and go onto another phase. During this conversation a friend of hers who I don't know came along and the three of us got talking. Sue said that she felt like moving away and starting up a new career in another place which I agreed might be a good idea because there is nothing stopping her and she can always keep in touch with friends and family if she wanted to. Her friend also agreed and said why didn't she become a writer because "look how much money she made out of "Fifty Shades of Grey." Sue said that was funny because an ex boyfriend had said that  and this is a direct quote "because I have a talent. I mean I had to write reports for my job."
So Sue is going to be a writer.
On a different note I have started working on Project MGI. I've changed the MC's voice which makes her less submissive and I'm going for short chapters because I find that really easy to read. So far I've worked on 2 chapters and there is no sign of George but don't worry folks he'll be around any time now.
On another different note. I still haven't heard from the editor about the article I wrote but it is just a month so I'm not worrying too much about that. I'd forgotten about it in fcat until just a minute ago. I haven't finished the other article that I started but I'll be working on that later.
Other than that the weather is doing its usual cartwheels. It is a glorious sunny crisp Winter's day today but for a couple of days last week I thought I might need to start building an ark. It took me just shy of 2 hours and 44 miles to do what is usually an 8 mile 15 minutes journey last Monday. Nightmare! But I made it home safely and at least the water was on the outside of the house. The poor people that have been flooded, many not for the first time this year, have my complete sympathy.
Stay warm and dry everyone.

Project MGI

That's the name of my new project, well a continuation of an old project really.
MGI - Make George Interesting.
I decided when we were in Krakow that I'm not ready to give up on BTL yet and as it seems that editors/agents that I have sent it to before are not keen on George saying that he doesn't really bring anything to the story I need to make George interesting (MGI).
I'm going to give myself another year, well 13 months actually (deadline 25/12/2013) to MGI.
That's the plan anyway.

Excuses excuses

Well only one actually - excuse that is.
The article that I am writing isn't finished yet because I've been doing my Christmas shopping - online of course because I can't be doing with those queues in the shops. Actually I don't know if there are queues because I haven't visited a shop for a Christmas gift. Oh I tell a lie, I made a trip into a nearby town to go to M&S to buy some of those non elastic top socks for my dad and the queue wasn't so bad there just 3 people in front of me.
You see, I work full time and my Sunday off is a family time which means a lie in, dog walk, roast lunch and a bubble bath. My day off during the week involves grocery shopping, ironing and usually a bit of baking. So who has time for Christmas shopping? - hence the time spent shopping online instead of finishing my article.
The good news is the shopping is pretty much done so I will have no excuse then.

Granny who?

Well that was very confusing! Let me explain.
I have a copy of my mother's birth certificate and she is listed with the name "Unfrith," however when I received a copy of her (granny's) marriage certificate the other day, her surname is listed as "Humphrey." I asked my mother this morning what her mother's maiden name was and she said "Unfrith" - fair enough, I mean that's what it says on her (my mum's) birth certificate. So I asked her if her mother had lived in a certain street next door to her soon to be husband and my mum got a bit excited because they did. Turns out Granny was a "Humphrey" all the time so goodness only knows who the other person was. Actually although the names are totally different they do sound pretty similar so maybe the registrar misheard. I'm looking forward to showing my mother the copy of the certificate because I think she'll enjoy seeing it.

Update

Happy to report that I have taken my own advice and started the article mentioned in the previous post. However after two paragraphs I have hit a stumbling block but that's good because it requires a bit of research an I love that. It'll have to wait until later though because I'm off to make soup.

I know the answer but...

You know when one project is finished and you've dispatched to whomever you hope will commission it or whatever what do you do next? Do you immediately start your next project? Do you give yourself a couple of days off to recuperate? Or do you do nothing?
I have to be honest I tend to fall into the third category, not all the time, but sometimes and now is one of those times. I have an article with an editor and I have a pitch with another but I have done sod all about the other article that I wanted to write.
So my question is how do you cure post project inertia (PPI if you will)? I know the answer of course it is to just get on and do it but I thought I would ask anyway.
Any excuse not to start the article eh!

Raw deals and other stuff

Okay, I wasn't sure if I was breaching some kind of copywrite if I copied the actual words on here so please bear with me while I try to explain this.
In a nutshell I checked out a website that is running a writing competition in conjunction with a publisher and when reading the T&C's discover that the winner gives over royaties, rights and basically any say, in any language, anywhere in the world. The tag line to the spiel is something along the lines of "Do you want to see your book in print?" and it just seems to me that the website are taking advantage of wannabe writers. If the story is good and presumably the winning one will be then they stand to make a lot of money from it and the only remuneration that the author would get is £500 and seeing their book in print. Seems like a bit of a raw dal if you ask me.
As for me I am still waiting to here back from the editor that I sent my article to but the last time it took a month for one of their colleauges to get back to me so I guess its early days yet. I also pitched another article to a different editor and I'm waiting to hear if they want to see it so fingers crossed. There is also another article that I want to write up this week but I want to iron out a couple of style issues first.

Worth the effort?

Okay, so I'm over last night's spelling mistake induced tantrum and have returned to ask the question that I was going to ask 24 hours ago.
Now you know when you start reading a book and it doesn't grab you and you are struggling with it do you give up on it or are you determined to read it no matter what?
There is only one book that I have started and not been able to finish and I have started it more than once. Its not that I don't want to read it and I'm sure that it is very good but its very complicated and I've never been in the right frame of mind to finish it before but I will one of these days.
So personally I tend to plough through and hope that a book will get better before it ends but I know some people who just give up on a book that they are not enjoying.
What about you?

Morphing - how did that happen?

I had to go to work today and anyone that knows me knows that I hate  doing that but needs must when the devil drives and all that. The usual person wanted a holiday and the usual cover couldn't do it so when all else fails I have to do it. Boo. I got through it though but it did leave me with not as much time as I would like for doing the things that I usually like to do on Sundays.
It aslso meant that I didn't have as long as I would like to polish and article. This would be the article that I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, the forst one that I wrote. I typed up what I had written the other day so it wan't the first draft but it was still very rough. I pitched it to an editor not expecting them to get back to me for a while but they came back the next day asking to see it so I wanted to get that to them over the weekend. I've tweaked it within an inch of its life this evening but its gone now so fingers crossed.
AARRGGHHH! I've just looked at it again - God knows why because like I said its gone now and I spotted a spelling mistake The word "from" morphed into "form" and I didn't notice sod sod sod! I had read through it a dozen times so how did I miss it?
I was going to talk about something else but I'm too annoyed with myself now and to be honest I can't remember what it was. Oh yes I can but I'll save that for another day.

Decisions decisions

Oh well, its decision time again. What do I read next. I finished what I referred to last week as a Kinsey Milhone book and need to choose something else to read. Just to clarify, Kinsey is the character in the Sue Grafton Alphabet series and the book that I have just finished is "I is for Innocent." I do have "J is for Judgement" but I think I'll give Kinsey a rest for the moment. So what to read next.
There are literally hundreds of books in this house that I haven't read but somehow I can't make my mind up about which one to choose. I haven't read a biography for a bit, well for at least two books anyway, somaybe I'll give one of them a go. Himself bought me the biography (or is it "ies" given that they are in the same book?) of Lady Jane Grey's sisters so maybe that'll be the one. No doubt you will all lose hours of sleep until you find out the answer to that one. Just kidding.
On a different note, I finished the rough draft of the article that I was writing last week but I didn't polish it and send it off because I decided to write the second article that I had in  my mind. Actual writing with a pen on paper which was a lot of fun. I plan on polishing this week. I also want to write a letter to a newspaper in response to a letter that I read in there today. Not that productive I know but at least it will let me get something off my chest.
Did you get the snow the other day? Up here we get a lot of snow usually although we only had one real session of it last year but we're not quite Scotland so we don't usually get it in October so I hope it isn't a sign of the things to come. 
Anyway, I'll let you know what book I choose and I'd be interested to know how other people make their choices.

My week in a nutshell

So what can I tell you about what I did this week? Well the pink pen ran out of ink for a start and it wasn't from over work. I noticed that it was empty when I started to work on my first project. Trouble is that I need to go to a shop that isn't local (used to be when I worked there) to get a refill , so that could take a while. Nil desperandum - I found a red pen (outside that is, not the ink) and that is proving to be an adequate substitute.
I know I mentioned my "first" writing project but to be honest its been my only, but it's coming along quite nicely and I hope to have it completed this week. As usual when I made my "to do" list there were too many things on it and I only got to the first one. A few years ago, every Sunday, I used to post "this week I'll..." and I used to give myself too much to do back then too. I mean, five days a week I go to work before 8am and I get back around 6pm. Then I make tea, usually by 7pm. I then have to eat and before you know it, its bed time. I try and fit some writing into t least one of my days off but this week I had a lot of other stuff to see to. Maybe I'll try to concentrate on doing one thing well instead of trying to do lots of things in a mediocre manner.
Remember I was going to sign up to Ancestry.co.uk to search into my past? Well I haven't done that yet, mainly because I didn't want to buy a month and then disappear to Krakow and I know that I'm back now but...well to be honest I've had other more important (more boring) things to do so I just haven't got round to it but I will.
What else happened this week? Well not a lot really. I had 3 books on the go and I finished one of them. One of my regular customers had brought it when he discovered that we both liked Ed McBain. The book was called "Privileged Conversation" by Evan Hunter (Ed's real name) and it was brilliant. The man wrote the best dialogue I have ever read in my life. I'm almost finished the Kinsey Milhone that I took to Krakow and then there's my "breakfast book" which is by Raymond Khourey. I should point out that I am not being anti social by having a breakfast book because I am usually on my own apart from the dog and to be honest he's not much of a conversationalist.
I finally got to see "Warhorse" the other day and I wailed from beginning to end.
The only other thing I did this week was buy a new Winter coat. It was a bargain from a charity shop and I make no apologies for that. I work in a charity shop so I know what kind of bargains you can pick up in them. When I see the prices that regular shops charge for clothes it makes my eyes water. Seriously when I see what we get donated I am amazed. I mean we often don't get as much as we used to but sometimes the quality is phenomenal. I think it has something to do with the "throw away" society that we live in now.
Anyway that was my week in a nutshell. Not a lot of it was to do with writing but it was about me.

Honey I'm home.

Hello everyone, as you can see I am back from my techno-less sabbatical and here is where I spent it.
For anyone that doesn't recognise this place it is the main square in Krakow Old Town and the building is The Cloth Hall. We spent a wonderful 5 days there and I can heartily recommend it as somewhere to visit.
But I'm back now and the reality of normal life is kicking back in. For instance, it is back to work tomorrow so ya boo hiss and all that but as I keep telling Himself if life was spent on holiday all the time then these times would not be special anymore. I really don't want to go back to work tomorrow at the moment but I'm sure that by this afternoon or this evening at the worst my head will have got itself back into the right place.
So I know that you will have spent all week worrying about what decisions I will make regarding the direction my writing will take so I will put you out of your misery. Just kidding BTW.
Well, remember BTL and how several of the agents that I had sent it to said that they did not like G but I love him so I don't want to get rid of him? Well, I have decided that I need to make G more appealing so I am going to revisit that project with that intention in mind. I have also had a couple of ideas for new projects - both of them non fiction. When (many years ago) I realised that I wanted to write I wanted to be a journalist so maybe non fiction has always been my first love so why fight it. Back then I also had a couple of attempts at writing a book so I am pretty much doing now what I started out doing. Anyway, I'm going to start working on the NF ideas later today - getting a plan sketched out at least.

Sabbaticals and lessons learned

I changed the look of my blog  but I'm not sure if I like it or not yet. I'm not going to be around Blogland after today until next weekend so maybe I'll leave it and look at it with new eyes then. They won't literally be "new eyes" obviously. I mean, the reason that I'm not going to be around isn't because I'm having radical eye surgery or anything, no they will be metaphorical "new eyes."
These few days away from Blogland (and all things technological) is something that happens annually and for the last 2 years my witing "life" has changed after it. Two years ago I decided that I would concentrate on writing non fiction and had found a regular outlet and I spent the following year doing just that. After last years sabbatical I switched the computer on to discover an email waiting for me saying that said outlet was no longer in operation and that I had lost my market. If nothing else, that taught me the lesson that you shouldn't put all of your eggs in one basket. I have spent the last year doing nothing in particular writing wise so I can't help wondering what will happen after this years technology-less few days.
So I will see you all next week and I will leave you with this photograph.

 

 

Two slaps in one day

Yep that's right, I've had another one of those slap across the face moments.
This one occurred to me when I was writing inside a birthday card that I will be giving Himself on Tuesday and it is this. I no longer write in long-hand.
Those of you that have been around a while will know that I used to write everything in long-hand with a pink pen - hence the name of the blog. I don't do that any more. These days I put everything straight onto the computer and that doesn't feel the same somehow. I don't know when or why I changed but I did.
Well let me tell you that I'm changing back - and I'm doing it today.

And here's another photo for no other reason than I like it. This is my previous dog Zoe who I still love and think of often despite her being dead for four years. I have other photos that are cuter but this one is more her. She was a bit of a tomboy and by the looks of it she's taking a breather after some blowout or other. She was at least 10 or 11 when she died (rescue dog so its hard to be accurate) and I comforted myself after her sudden demise by imagining her in doggy heaven chasing rabbits like she did when she was young.
Anyway, there you go, this is Zoe.

Apropos of nothing.

I've added this for no other reason that I've just found it and I quite like it.
I haven't used my camera for a long time but was checking it out because I will want to use it soon and I found this picture, along with some of the Zachary (the dog) playing in the snow and a few other random things. Its not a recent photograph but I like it and I thought I'd share it with you all.
Anyway, have you ever had one of those moments when you want to give yourself a slapa round the head and call yourself stupid? Well I had another one of those moments this week.
It was part of my quest to "find the love" of writing again.
Back in the days when I enjoyed the actual writing process more than I have recently and I enjoyed a modicum of success I did it in a certain way or rather at a certain time. Not an exact time of course but you know, in the mornings for arguments sake. However since my job, his job, our lives have changed I have been trying to work at a different time which thinking about it logically is a time of the day that I am definitely not fond of. I think that one of the resaons I fell out of love with the writing process is that I have been trying to work at the wrong time of day.
Having said that the window of opportunity for writing at the right time of day is very small but twas ever thus and I used to manage it - and enjoy it.
I am enjoying the writing process more now which is a relief to you all I have no doubt. Instead of writing because I knew it was something that I had enjoyed in the past, I am actually enjoying it in the present. Does that make sense? It sounded better in my head than it does on paper.
BTW - did I get rid of that word verification thing on comments made? I hope I did.

A bit of a ramble.

Okay okay, so I know that I said that I was giving up writing  with a view to publication but you know what a person is allowed to change their mind.
I have spent the last few weeks just writing for fun and falling in love with it again and now I think that I am ready (mentally at least) to send stuff out into the big wide world again. I have a couple of non fiction projects swirling around my head as we speak but nothing on paper (or screen) yet. However that is for another day, or maybe even later today of I can get a minute.
Anyway, I have a question, a thought, a rambling call it what you will that I thought I would share with you and invite comment on.
My novel "BTL" is finished and frankly getting a bit dusty in its cyber folder. Personally I love it but I would wouldn't I so my opinion counts for nothing here butI have let other people, both close friends and critics alike, read it and as yet I have not had a negative comment about it from a reader. Well my dear friend Jan who is a commissioning director (whatever that is but it always impresses me when I see it on an email) for an art publisher, did say that she didn't like the names of 2 of the characters. I think I called them Dave and Steve but she thought they should have been called something else. She's American so probably wanted them called Dwight and Marshall (both very good names on the right person) or something but as these charcters were in the book for about a page and a half I didn't bother changing them. Anyway that is what the people I know have said about it. All of these people (including Jan) are writers in their own right.
I have also sent it to a few agents who again have not really had anything mega bad to say about it just that they aren't "in love" with it which I suppose is pretty vital if you're going to represent a book and a writer. One agent, bless her heart, even said it was beautifully written.
I am getting to the point of this ramble (yes it is a ramble but with a question coming up now) and I am thinking of self publishing - what do you think? Is it a lazy way out? Is it a sign of failure? I mean, I remember years ago when I first started writing, the plan was to get other people to pay me to write.
Just a thought.

Q. Who do I think I am?

A. I am Colette, born in Yorkshire a number (which I won't reveal) of years ago and what I would call an average person.
However I have decided to dig a little into my past and find out who I really am - as it were.
I only ever knew one grandparent, the rest having died before I was born so I know very little about my ancesters but I want to find out more. The trouble is that I'm not that sure about the best way to go about it so I wondered if any of you had any advice that you could give me.
So far I kn0w the names of my parent's parents and, although there is a bit of confusion about whether one of them was called Charlie or Tom. Also my mother had an Aunt Suranne (my Great Aunt I guess) which is a very cool name given that if she was around the same age as my grandfather she was born before 1900. I always assumed that was a modern name.
Anyway, all advice and tips will be greatfully received.

Random thought.

On my wish list for Santa last year I said I wanted a copy of Janr Eyre and a copy of Wuthering Heights. I'd never read either of them but the urge to do so had finally come over me.
Luckily for me, Santa waslistening and left them both under the Christmas tree.
I read Jane Eyre pretty quickly after Christmas and loved loved loved it. I am currently about 100 pages away from the end of Wuthering Heights and while I am enjoying it very much it just didn't pull me in in the same way as Jane Eyre. This is perfectly understandable of course because they are not the same book and are not written by the same author but in a random thought before I go and make lemon curd I just wondered what anyone else thought.

Today

This is a funny time of year for me and not funny ha ha. I tend to do a lot of reflecting because this is the the time of year when the darkness was hanging over me. It os so hard to believe that that was five years ago. Where does the time go? Anyway as part of the reflecting I thought that it would be interesting to see if I blogged anything on this day five years ago when it was still very dark and apparently I did and this is what I wrote. I wonder of I ever found a home for that story that I "loved." I wonder which story it was.
Anyway that darkness lifted and life is good these days.
Anyway I'm getting to the point of this posting and it is this. Have you ever woken up and thought that and I don't know how to put this but have you ever woken up and thought that today was special? Like it was the start of something good but you're not quite sure what it is? Well that was how I felt this morning. Today almost feels like the day that the darkness lifted but in miniature because anything that I have been feeling recently is nothing compared to the darkness.
Those of you that were around back then will know that I never spoke of what happened then and I don't intend to do it now. I only mention it as reference as to why this time of year is a time of reflection for me.
Anyway, I digress (for a change) what I wanted to announce is that today feels like a good day.

Anniversaries

We all know what today is the anniversary of. It was a terrible event and one that will never be forgotten by those that lived through it. But it is also the anniversary of something else, something far more personal to me. Well two things actually.
The first thing is that it is my Number 1 son's birthday, so happy birthday to him. He was 18 that day. And that day was also the day that I came up with the idea for my first attempt at a book.
Eleven years ago this very day when I was walking my darling Zoe along "the lines" (as they are known locally) I started thinking about a dear friend and that ignited an idea in my head that became something called DC that still sits in a folder on this computer. It never made it to full fruition and ran out of steam at about 45,000 words but it was only ever written in a first draft so it wasn't developed properly. The lovely Catrin Collier read it and said lovely things about how it was written but also pointed out that she wasn't sure where it would fit into the market. She was right of course and I knew that so I didn't waste any more energy on it. I forget about it most of the time but now and again it comes to mind - usually on this day.
Maybe one of these days I'll open the folder and read it again - just for old times sake.

Rhyme and reason.

A poem over on Frances Garrood 's blog inspired this post. Take a look at it and you'll know what I mean.
What on earth is that piece of art all about? When it comes to art I like a piece to look like what it's supposed to be. If it's meant to be a face, I want it to look like a face with everything where it should be. It's a personal thing but that's what I like. One of my very good friends is an artist, she earns her living from it, it is her job but sometimes, when she sends me a copy or a link to something that she's produced I think "What the hell....?" She knows that's just the way I am and she respects that it is my opinion and I am entitled it. She earns a very decent living from art so maybe I am in the minority. hey ho, won't be the first time, sure it won't be the last.
So that gets me onto poetry. For me a poem should rhyme. The poem on Frances' blog rhymes and maybe that's why I like it so much. For me, and this is only my opinion, a poem that doesn't rhyme is just prose wrutten in disjointed lines

Fat fingers or something

Well somehow I managed to delete the comments that were made about my last couple of posts. I thought that I'd published them but they're not there so I guess I didn't. maybe its fat finger syndrome or whatever its called because I have been known to press the wrong buttons before. However I did read them so:
Captain - Thanks for the help and I'll give that a try.
Abigail and Theresa - Interesting comments about the Kindle. I guess you are both right that it helsp if there is something on there that you re enjoying to help you get used to the no pages to turn thing.
Jenifer - Thank you for your kind words.
That's it for now because the coffee pot has finished gurgling but I'll be back later. That is a promise BTW not a threat.

Help please.

I'm doing a bit of tidying and am in need of some help. I've removed (hopefully) the word verification from the comments section of my blog because I think its unneccasary. That may of course change if I suddenly get robots commenting though I suppose that would depend on whether they were interesting or not. However I want to stop following some of the blogs that I have on my list. You know the ones, places that I haven't visited for ages or the ones that aren't active anymore. Trouble is, I don't know how to do that so can anyone help?

What does it feel like?

I'm sure that I'm not alone in loving a good book but I don't just mean the story that I'm reading. I love a book, the feel of it in my hands and the turn of the page. There is something very satisfying about seeing my book mark move further and further back as I work my way through the book. I haven't got a kindle and to be honest I don't have the inclination to get one at the moment but I'm curious to know how it feels in your hands and what the experience of reading from one is like. I'm sure that the written word is just as good because it is just the same afterall but is it as satisfying?

In perspective.

I received an email yesterday telling me that I am due a royalty payment for a story that I wrote a couple of years ago. It's not a big payment infact the word miniscule comes to mind but its a payment when all said and done it is financial remuneration for doing something that gives me pleasure so the cash is a bonus.
By the way, before I go any further, I will point out that I am typing as I think (speak) - remember a conversation between friends - so sorry of I don't make a whole lot of sense.
Anyway, this week I have written for pleasure and enjoyed it. I haven't written with a particular magazine in mind or anything like that I have just written and I am finding the love for it again as it were. I am now writing like (and for teh same reasons) that I used to when I was younger and that's fine by me. I will still submit, of course I will, if only for the pleasure that getting an acceptance brings but I am not going to put the pressure on myself that I have been. After enjoying moderate success in recent years I had hoped that it would increse and pushed myself to do it and got frustrated when more success did not follow. It became like a job and I already have one of those. Writing is supposed to be how I relax after a hard (and they always are) day at work and I remember that now.
Maybe I'll write a poem later, I used to enjoy writing the odd ode.

The last time I cried

A couple of friends and I were having a conversation this afternoon about what makes us cry. There were some things that we had in common but some others were individual to say the least. I thought I'd share my answers with you.
The last film that made me cry - Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Seriously that is true, and I didn't just cry a bit, I howled like a banshee.
The last book to make me cry - Schindler's Ark - need I say more?
The last time I cried in real life - My dad had heart trouble earlier in the year and when I came off the phone with my mum one night I burst into tears and announced that he was dieing. Thankfully he didn't and in fact seems better than he has been for a couple of years but after that phone call I thought I was going to lose him.
That particular outburst was so out of character for me. I don't often cry in real life but when I do, I do. I cry at books and films all the time though - especially films. I once broke my heart when Jean Simmons' cow died an don't even get me started about ET.

Still doing it

Just so you all know, I am still writing its just that for now I am doing it for fun, for relaxation and for me.
I may as well be honest and say that I am sure that I will still submit, course I will,its just that for the purposes of blogging I probably won't talk about it so much.

Keep your 50 shades.

I've apparently lost a follower since I decided to stop writing about my attempts to be a writer and write about myself. that's me off to a good start but hey who can blame them? I did warn that my life was dull.
I was talking to a couple of colleagues yesterday about the latest literary phenomenom that is E L James' "50 shades" trilogy. They have both read them - I haven't.One said that it was all about sex and the other said that there was a subliminal plot and if you could see past the sex then it was a "good story." Like I said, I haven't read them so I don't know which one is correct. The one who said they were just about sex said that she would lend me her copies but I told her she was alright because I had no intention of reading them. "Why not?" she asked. "You a prude?"
Now, given that I have had about half a dozen pieces of erotic fiction which I wrote under a pseudonym in a previous life I am not a prude. The truth is that I just have no interest whatsoever in reading these books. I have no interest in reading Lorna Doone or The Canterbury Tales either but no-one complains about that. I've never read a Harry Potter book and cannot envisage me ever doing so, which is not to say that they are not excellent books in their own right but just of no interest to me personally.
I have just read an article on yahoo (which I would link to if I only had the knowledge of how to do so) about E L James and how she makes almost £1m a week from her books thanks to the fact that they started life as self published e-booksso she gets whopping royalties from these and good luck to her.
It still doesn't make me want to read them.

Don't tell mother.

Laying in a bath full of bubbles this afternoon I was thinking about the post I wrote this morning and to be honest it felt a bit self indulgent. Now there's nothing wrong with indulging yourself now and again but I would prefer it to involve chocolate than whatever that was that was going on this morning. I almost deleted the post but like I have said many times, I regard this blog as a conversation between friends and as we have all probably learned to our cost once something has been said it can't be unsaid.
Frances said something in a comment she made that just confirmed what I had concluded. Frances said that writing is something that you should do because you love it and that is so true. I do love writing and I will continue to do it. However for now at least it will be just for me, myself and I. Its not the disappointment that I can't stand because it really doesn't bother me. I get over it very quickly and move on. I think that for now I need to write for enjoyment and while I am being truthful when I say the disappointment doean't bother me I can't pretend that I enjoy it.
So sorry and all that but I guess the blog is about me then and I thought that I would tell you some things that my mother doesn't know about me.
1. I enjoy listening to Andrea Bocelli and Il Divo even though I have no idea what they are singing about most of the time.
2. I have had articles and stories published in national and international magazines.
3. That I enjoy baking and bake a cake almost every week. I made a carrot cake this morning.
4. That I have 5 clocks in my living room for no other reason than I like them all.
5. That I don't take milk in tea or coffee - actually she might know that but just choose to ignore it because she is the only person who ever puts it in.
That's enough for now. Don't want to overload you with information.

The way I'm feeling

Well I know that I would have been quick enough to tell you good news so its only right that I tell you that bad. Well not bad really because its just par for the course but disappointing to say the least.
There was a huge thud on the mat the other day when the two stories that I sent to PF landed there. Who knew that 10 sheets of paper (approximate because I didn't count them) could make such a noise? Or was that the sound of my hopes crashing.
Anyway there you go, it happened they came back but if its any consolation they had been there for a couple of weeks instead of the couple of days and the pages were crumpled so I can be sure that they were read.
As you have probably realised, this blog os about writing but I'm thinking that I might have to start sharing a bit more of me and my life because to be honest I am thinking of giving up on this writing lark or at least on the trying to get it published. I will probably still do it for pleasure. So its either give a bit about myself or not blog
Please be assured that this is not an attempt to get anyone to say that I should keep at it and I'm really good etc etc etc its just me telling you how I feel today. I can take the disappointment and to be honest I got over the disappointment the other day very quickly and on reflection even though the stories IMO were good (in fact I think one of them is very good) maybe they are not right for the short story market (well obviously not because they were rejcted.) So its not this weeks disappointment it is just me being realistic.
Anyway, I'll have a cup of tea and have a think about it and I may be back with really inetersting facts about me (yaaaawwwwnnn)

Feeling good

This morning I have written the first draft of my first new short story in almost two years and it feels fab. At the moment its 2000 words long which took me a couple of hours to get down and I don't know where the time went. I noticed there were a lot of red and green squiggly lines throughout the text so lots of typos due to the fingers and the brain not working at the same speed but that can be sorted later. I'm now going to ignore the newly stored story for a few days and then go back and edit it and correct all of the mistakes but for now, I feel good.

Finding positives.

Well, there's still no sign of the two stories that I sent to PF over a week ago which is definite progress given my track record with them so thats good. Also on a positive note I filed my tax return for the writing I did last year and paid the bill and while the extra tax revenue won't have had George Osborne doing cartwheels I feel better that it is filed and paid. If I ever meet Sir Philip Green (highly unlikely I grant you) I will take great pleasure in telling him that me and the tax man are square and then ask him if he can say the same. Also (also) on a positive note I started a new short story. "So what's the big deal about that?" you may ask especially those of you that do that on a weekly if not almost daily basis. Well the big deal my friends is that it is the first new short story that I have started/worked on in almost two years. I have finally climbed back in the saddle so I fully expect a little soreness later on.

Desperately Awaiting Postman

I'll be desperately waiting for the postman tomorrow - not that I'm expecting anything good but to see if my PF submissions come back.
My current record for the longest time they have taken to return them is 4 days (shortest 2 days) so given that I posted them on Wednesday and today is a Sunday so no post if they don't slap down on the doormat tomorrow I will consider it a bit of a result. Not much of a result I grant you but when you are trying to crack a new publication you have to grab any ray of sunshine you can.

A dilemma

I'm sitting on the horns of a dilemma which, thankfully for me is not as painful as it sounds.
Picture the scene if you will, one of your main characters is dealing with a problem and they have to deal with said problem in a certain way for the story to progress in the way you anticipated it going. However, after getting into the characters head and writing they have behaved in a different way meaning that things may not turn out they way you thought they would. Actually they probably will but the character of teh character(J)has changed. Maybe they were misunderstood all the time. There's a thought. I'd never planned on people sympathising with her. My book may have just taken on a whole new direction. Not in the outcome of the story but in terms of the journey. Maybe I don't have a dilemma at all.
Thanks for listening.
On a different note I sent off the two stories that I was planning to submit so fingers crossed that I don't get them back in today's post.
And on a totally different note as you can see, I have paragraphs. Thanks dark Skipper for solving the problem.

A question

Okay so this may be a bit of an odd question but all I can say is remember that I am going back to basics. I have 2 stories that I want to send to the same editor and oddly enough this is a "problem" that I haven't had before, so what I would like to know is, is it okay to send them together or should the be sent seperately? Also is Shirley Blair still the Fiction Editor of People's Friend? All guidleines I read for PF say that I should address the submission to "The Fiction Editor" which I will do if that's what they prefer but in my head I would like to know the name of the person that I am writing to.

Lesson learned

With reference to my last post which told you all of my latest rejection I wanted to share the lesson that I learned from the process of writing it. I won't keep you waiting because I'm sure that the suspense is killing you so here it is. The lesson is that, and I say this with no offence to anyone who writes for them, but writing for M & B is not something that I would like to do on a regular basis. They have moved on and you are allowed a bit more realism but keeping within their framework makes the stories, how can I put this, unrealistic. That is only my opinion of course but I'm entitled to it so I'm giving it. So, I'm glad I gave it a try but I won't be trying it again in a hurry. This morning I'm going back to basics as it were and preparing a couple of short stories to be sent out into the world. Last year was my most successful (although still very modest) year as a writer but the wheels seem to have come off my wagon so to speak so its time to back-track a bit I think. Just out of interest, can anyone please tell me how to get paragraphs on here? I'm still not a fan of the neww format and since it changed I have never had paragraphs. I could live with it at first but now it is irritating me.