Happy child.

Its been a funny day and not funny haha.
My dad died a year ago today. He was an old man and had  had a good life. His last day had been a good one. He had spent the day doing the things that he enjoyed doing and then he died. I think about him pretty much every day but more so today.
I've also thought a lot about how my life has changed in the last year. This time last year it would be another three weeks before I was offered my book deal. That came on the day that he was buried which was also the day that my mum died. I am so grateful to them for the childhood they gave me.

Book number 1

I'm back from my self imposed technology exile that was in place while I finished book number two. Said book is now finished and in the hands of my editor so please everyone, keep everything crossed that she likes it.
Those of you that have been with me since the early days may remember that back at the beginning this blog was called "Gonna be a Writer," and I didn't even put my name to it, I was just GonnaB. Well a lot has changed since then and now you know that I am Colette McCormick.
If someone asked me today what my profession was I still wouldn't say writer I do have a book contract and I am happy to share with you the cover of book number one which is due out soon.

Now you all can see what TISHSaD means and in case you're interested  it's working title of BTL stood for "Beyond the Light."
I'm not blogging about this to brag or to say look at me but rather to say that if it can happen to me it can happen to anyone and that includes all of you that are still trying hard to get that book deal that you have dreamed of. Anyway, you are my friends and I wanted to share the good news with you all.

Does anyone....

know how to delete a blog? I'm not thinking of deleting this one, just an old one that I no longer maintain. Its sitting on my dashboard minding its own business but I would rather it wasn't there. It's a bit like my obsession for having an empty inbox. Irrational I know, but hey that's me.

Guilty Pleasure

 I'm curious to know about other people's guilty pleasures, we all have them. I'll let you into my secret.
On my day off during the week (usually a Friday but other days are available) I love to iron. I can hear the groans form here but hey what can I say I enjoy ironing. I detest putting the stuff away though but that's just me be irrational but the actual process of ironing I find really relaxing. However that's just a pleasure. The guilty one is that while I'm ironing I love to watch a really bad film. Disaster movies are my favourite, you know the type, killer bees, snowstorms, Armageddon on a global scale that sort of thing. And they can't be well made films, no they have to be the ones with dodgy acting and even dodgier special effects. I love them.
Come on. I've shared mine, what's yours?

Dim question

This isn't the first dim question that I've asked here and I'm sure it won't be the last.
As you know I am currently writing book 2 (NRIMH) and I wondered what state that should be in when I submit it to my publisher. Its not really a question I suppose because I know what state it will be in when I submit  it but I've been reading a lot lately (well a bit at least) how some authors submit their books (and I'm not talking first books here)  to their agents, publishers or whoever and they come back for a sometimes total over-hall. I suppose my question is do I treat it as I did the first one or at least what do you guys do?

Catching up

Anyone who follows me on FB will know that book number 2 has been finished for a while - well the first draft anyway and the revisions are well under way. I am happy (ish) with the way that the revisions are coming along but I am occasionally riddled with self doubt. Is it any good and all that sort of thing. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about.
In other news, Book number 1 has been renamed. It was BTL and is now TISHSaD. I am okay with that because BTL was only ever a working title. I got an email from my editor the other day with the proposed cover, It is really pretty but I'm not sure its what I was expecting. That's not to say that I don't like it because I do - I just didn't get it at first. After a couple of days I now understand what the designers were aiming for.
For years you guys here and my dear friend Jan were the only people that knew that I wrote and now I am having to tell people in the outside world. I am no longer writing just for me. Anyway yesterday I told my boss not because I think I'll be giving up the day job any time soon but because when it comes to promoting the book the fact that I work for a charity might be mentioned so I thought I should warn her. I now have to tell someone further up the pecking order as well so I'll drop them an email next week. I showed her the cover picture that is on my phone and my hand was shaking - it's ridiculous.
Today in my number 2 son's birthday so happy birthday AT.
What else? well I had a couple of days in Blackpool last week when I went for a conference and it was freezing - especially when you were dressed up as a flapper. God knows what the tram conductor thought when we got on the tram, Having said that, I dare say he's used to it in Blackpool.
So that's about it really, life is plodding along quite nicely - work - revisions - work - revisions - nothing much to tell you which is one of the reasons that I haven't been around for a while.
One last thing - next Tuesday is the 3rd anniversary of my kidneys packing in and having my first dialysis session. Well actually the dialysis is probably Wednesday because it happened in the middle of the night. Lot of water under the bridge since then.
So if you can bear the mundane I'll be back soon.

Maybe next time.

I am such a bad blogger. Sorry blog, I have neglected you.
So what's happened since the last time we spoke? Well the day job continues apace and the night job (well evening rather than night) is keeping me busy too. All in all very busy.
Book number 2 (NRIMH) is almost at the end of the first draft. This excites me because I want to get on to the revisions. As I've been writing I've been thinking that this needs changing or that needs rewriting so I want to get on with that. I gave myself the deadline of the first draft being finished by April 30th so we're looking on course for that.
What else? Well the new sofa I mentioned in my past post has settled in quite nicely. The dog doesn't have as much room to spread out as he did with the last one but he manages - usually by laying on someone.
This is day 2 of 4 off work and I've impressed myself by writing 2.5k words this morning though I don't know how some of you write all day. I'm shattered.
I know I'm getting a bit ahead of myself but I've registered for PLR. I need to look into the Society of Authors too as  lovely fellow author who has helped me right from the beginning suggested I do and I trust her judgement.
That's it I think. I really can't think of anything else that has happened in the last month - not that might remotely interest you anyway.
I will try to be more interesting next time.

Hack at Heart

I'm well into the first draft of NRIMH but I was a bit lost about where it was going. Thanks to a proverbial lightning strike  though I now know where I'm going with it which excites me because I want to get on with it and frustrates me because I'm really busy with the day job so I can't get to write as much as I would like.
I sent a short story off the other day - its a long tome since I had any success in that department. I thought just after I got the contract that maybe I should give up on the short stories and concentrate on the book but the truth is that I always saw myself writing different things and no just fiction. I really enjoy researching non fiction too. Hell I've even been known to write the odd poem. I think I'm just a hack at heart. 
On a different note we had a new sofa delievered today which is well overdue. So what if the old one was a but shabby? It was so darned comfy.

What to do

I'm reading a book at the minute that's set in "Dickensian" England and when I was a few pages in I declared (out loud) that it was written by an American. Nothing wrong with that. The give away was that a character got his "check book" out. Turns out I was right (just call me Sherlock) and the book is written by a group of journalists from the New York Times that "love"  that period. So I'm still reading this book because I am interested in what happens but I am constantly on the look out for more "Americanisms". Today's was when a character put something in the pocket of his pants. Oh I should have said that the story is told in the first person by an English gentleman. He would not say pants. However, the biggest faux pas (so far - still a hundred pages to go) was when they said that the nursery rhyme line "and pretty maids all in a row" has something to do with the killing of Lady Jane Grey. Well it may well be because I've got no idea but I do know that it wasn't Mary Queen of Scots that was responsible for it. Wrong person methinks. Part of me wants to email them and point out these things like the "English rose" who describes some bloke as a prick but another part of me tells me to behave and just enjoy the story.

Quick chat

Oh my its nippy.
Just thought I'd pop over and say hello.
I'm on holiday next week and just have to work tomorrow but that'll be an ok sort of day so given that I'm not doing a lot today its like being in holiday already. I did grocery shopping this morning, then a bit of ironing, I've caught up with some admin and got about 500 "new" words down on NRMIH so I'm feeling very chilled. Going to have a cup of tea and watch last night's "Elementary" before meeting up with Himself for a late lunch though you could probably call it tea because I don't think I'll want to eat again later. Hey this body can afford to miss a meal. especially after the other day when I had to sent a photo of myself of to the publisher. I mean I'm not HUGE but I could do with dropping a pound or two. The steroids make that progress slow but I'll give it a go.
Not much else to report this week. Life is jogging along quite nicely. The day job is tickety boo and the night job will hopefully come along better this week. There were other things that needed to be done last week, connected to the book but not actual writing so I know the 500 words I mentioned earlier don't sound like a lot but I'm easing my way in gently.
Anyway must go. Johnny Lee Miller is calling my name as is the tea pot.

Volunteers required

Hello everyone (grovel grovel) I have been asked to provide names of fellow bloggers who would be prepared to host me on a blog tour to promote BTL. I didn't want to suggest anyone without asking first so that's what I'm doing now. Hands up anyone who would like to volunteer. If you'd rather email me than reply here my email address is colettemccormick@yahoo.co.uk.
Many thanks in advance.

Oh no...

I've been asked to provide a recent photograph of myself and as anyone will tell you I detest having my photo taken. I rarely have it taken and like very few of the ones that are.
Not to worry that's a problem for another day. Himself and I are going out for the (late) afternoon followed by early dinner and then off to see a "turn."
A good day. 

Secret's finally out

I thought of how I could tell my friends that didn't know that I wrote about my book and I decided that the "just spit it out and let them deal with it" approach was best - so that's what I did. I have to say that everyone has been so supportive, some were really interested, some wanted to know what the book was about and one wanted to know why I kept my ambition a secret. The answer I gave him was that if people that I actually physically know ie. colleagues, neighbours etc. didn't know then I wasn't putting pressure on myself to succeed all the while I got love and support from the like minded souls that I'd met in cyber-land. Best of both worlds really.
I'm at a bot of a loss at the moment. I'm working hard on NRIMH but I don't know what happens now to BTL. I imagine that my baby is out there being primped and prepared to go out in the world but I don't know how the publishing thing works. I'm sure they are looking after my baby but just like my sons I'd like to hear about them/from them from time to time.

News

When I first started this blog, many years ago when Adam was a lad and dinosaurs still walked the earth, it was called "Gonna be a Writer" and my plan was in the title. I always said that I would never consider myself a writer until I was doing it properly and to do that (in my opinion for me personally) was to write enough short stories/articles to earn a living at it or to have a book contract. Today I can finally (in my own words) call myself a writer because today I signed a 3 book deal with Accent Press. It's like a full circle because Accent Press published the first story of mine that I ever saw in print when they included "Elaine" in an anthology called "Sexy Shorts for the Beach" whose profits went to Cancer Research UK who I was working for at the time.

Almost no-one that I know in the "real" world knows that I write so this might come as a shock to them. I would really appreciate any advice any of you can give me.

Sounding off

I know editors are busy people, and I know that they are dealing with more people than just me so I understand that you have to be patient. I hate it when I have to remind them of something or give them a nudge which is stupid really because in my job when someone reminds me of something I haven't done I don't take it personally. I usually just think "Oh sod!" Okay so its not personal and I'll get in touch. Having said that maybe I should give them a bit longer to get over Christmas.
Thank you dear blog friends for once again being my sounding board. "Chatting" to you has once again put things in perspective.
On a different note I have a cold though it does seem a but better today though I am barking like a dog. I'll keep an eye on it because if you remember my "problem" started as a cold but I think I'll be ok and the last time I saw my nephrologist he said that I would still get colds.
Other than that, not a lot has been happening round here  - apart from rain. Dear God  am sick of it. Thankfully for us all that has been flooded around here is a few roads its just a pain that they are the roads between home and work.

Off and running

Less than 11 hours into the new year and I've done 2 hours (give or take a minute) of actual writing. Not checking emails or surfing the web but actual writing. Current project is 30k words long and want it finished by the end of April which is a deadline that is subject to change but the one I'm working at the moment.
Don't make resolutions as such any more because I hate the feeling of failure when I don't lose 4 stones or learn a new language though I do like a "to do" list and one of my things "to do" today was to wish you al a very happy new year.
Good luck for 2016 everyone.
 x

Looking forward to 2016

Once again I have to apologise for being such a bad blogger. My only excuse is that I haven't had a lot to tell. Still haven't but I thought that I would check in before the end of the year.
I've been spending much of my time just sort of coming to terms with what happened in the summer and I am feeling better now. I'll miss them forever and do so every day but I have learned to live with it because it is the natural way of things.
On the writing front I have been working on NRIMH and that currently sits at around 28k words. The last few days have been a bit tricky because I've written and deleted several times but I think that I am finally happy with what I wrote last night so I can now move on.
I bought my self a pink laptop to go along with the pink pen and even a pink diary to set deadlines in. Think there's a bit of an obsession forming.
So its that time of year again and I gave up making resolutions years ago but I will say this. Personally 2015 has been horrible or rather the latter half of 2015 has been horrible but in the writing front its not been so bad. Not a lot has been published but I have got the love back and I m writing more than I have in years. I have to put what happened behind me and moving forward to 2016 I feel pretty good.
In case I don't get back before tomorrow night - happy New Year everyone.
x

Help with information

I haven't been here for a while but thank you everyone for your kindness during the last few weeks. It has meant so much to me.
I'm here today to ask for help with some information.
Can anyone who has experience with book contracts tell me what should be in one.
I need to know this for a writing project that I have going on at the moment and having no experience of one I have to ask the question.
thanks in advance
x

Parents

Some of you may already know this but for those that don't, since I was here a few weeks ago I have lost both of my parents. My dad died 4 weeks ago today but we couldn't bury him until this last Wednesday. That was the day that my mum died. She hasn't been well for a bit, hasn't got over my dad's passing (they had been married 65 years) and had been in hospital since last Saturday. I got to her on Monday and as we sat she held my hand and told me how much she loved me and how proud she was and regaled the woman in the bed opposite with tales of "what this child of mine has been through."
Dad died very suddenly and without any warning. He'd had a really good day went to bed and died. At least with Mum we got the chance to say goodbye. My sister, brother and I ran to her bedside after Dad's funeral and were with her all afternoon, holding her hand, talking to her, stroking her hair, anything we could just to be in contact with her for a s long as possible. We all knew what was happening even her and she was happy. She was going to my dad, her beloved Johnny who she had been apart from too long even though it had only been 23 days.
I just wish they could have lived a bit longer but they already know. They don't need me to tell them anything now.

Soon

I haven't been around much because there was something I wanted to say and I couldn't. I still can't but will be able to soon.

What is it about August?`

I'm feeling in quite a reflective mood this morning so I thought I'd have a look at what I was blogging about in the past at this time of year. I thought I'd go back to the beginning which was 2007. Turns out I was filled with fear and terror about that "dark stuff" that was happening and was actually the worst time of my life.
So I thought I'd go to last year - I'd just found out that Himself was not a compatible match with me so couldn't donate a kidney. That actually was quite pleasing for me but he was very disappointed - like he had let me down some way. Just as well though that it turned out that way given that I got enough kidney function back in November to come of dialysis and am still going strong 9 months later.
I didn't bother going to the year before because that was when I was just out of hospital and I wasn't doing much more than sitting in a chair in August 2013.
I thought I'd give the rest a miss because I'd had enough of reflecting.
This August its my mum who has her own health issues which is not surprising given that she's 85 but she's having a test on Tuesday and fingers crossed its not what she fears the most. Logic tells me that its not but as we all know when you are the one in the situation logic doesn't come close to cutting it.
Think I might give August a miss from now on.

As promised....

...I am back sooner this time. It's only weeks I've been away this time not months.

Summer seems to be doing what Summer does and pass by at an alarming rate of knots. I heard in the news this week that Selfridges has got their Christmas department up and running and I think I heard that ADSA were selling Christmas trees. Ridiculous!!!

My mum has had a health scare which has been at the front of my mind for the best part of two weeks and we won't know if she's out of the woods for a few more so fingers crossed.

I had an email a couple of weeks ago from an editor who was rejecting the article that I had submitted but wanted to see some other examples of my "style" so that they could decide if we would be a "good fit" or not. That was about 10 days ago and I haven't heard anything so I guess I didn't set their world on fire with my prowess. Do I leave it a while and ask or just leave it? That has just reminded me that some time ago I was asked to submit an article to a specialist magazine by an editor who said that they were interested in my pitch. They said that they would look at the space available (the article was a bot long at around 4,000 words) and I haven't heard from them either. Maybe I should give them a nudge too. I appreciate that editors are busy people but, well, without putting too fine a point on it so am I.

Don't worry

Its been a while - well a couple of months anyway. This has been due to there not being much to say. Well no, that's not true actually its due to me having other stuff that just got in the way. Mundane every day stuff that just gets in the way.

Just thought I'd drop in to say that I am still fine. I didn't want anyone worrying that I was ill again. Will not many days in July left I'm hopeful of getting through this one without a spell in hospital;. I saw my nephrologist a month or so ago and he sais that while he can't guarantee that I'll be off dialysis until I get my telegram from the Queen in the short term he doesn't see any problems and that my function has settled at around 25% which is more than enough (his words not mine).

I'll be back sooner next time.

Small Comfort

I had my first rejection in ages today. Not because I've enjoyed a remarkable success rate but because I haven't really been submitting. It came from a magazine that has rejected me more than once before but at least I got a letter this time telling me why it had been rejected rather than just a compliment slip. Small comfort I know.
Think I had a story called that published once. No hang on a minute that was Small Difference.

Dropping in

Not a lot happening round here so nothing to really blog about. Just wanted to say hello though. So the election came and went since the last time we spoke and thank goodness for that. Same old same old in that department.
I'm writing more now. I make my weekly "to do" list and so far I'm sticking to it. I'm writing for fun though without any real expectation.
Health wise I'm feeling great and I think I'm getting my head around things at last. I'm not dwelling on what happened as much these days and that's helping. I go for my check up in mid June so fingers crossed.
Won't bore you anymore, just thought I'd drop in.

Question

Sorry if this is a dim question but I'm not sure and I know that one of you will know the answer.
Is it okay to submit two stories in one envelope?
It's not something that I've needed to worry about before.

Something's got to go

 I came across this post on womag's blog this morning. Being one of life's eternal procrastinators I thought I'd give the book a read. It reinforced what I already knew i.e. that I do (probably) make excuses not to write. I do have a lot of restrictions on my "writing" time but I'm now determined to make more of an effort.
Oh BTW - I actually enjoy ironing so it might have to be something else that has to go.

Couple of pictures.

Don't want to bore you with loads of pictures (lovely as they may be - to us anyway) but here are a couple that I took while we were away. The first one is just a few of the thousands of sheep that we saw and the second needs no introduction.. Very disappointed that a video I took of our surroundings was lost when my tablet met a watery end on Friday. Thank goodness for the memories that we keep in our heads.

Change of plan

Remember when I said that I was going to post my "to do" list? Well I changed my mind. I'm still going to make the list I'm just not going to bore you all with it.
had a wonderful week last week, just what the doctor ordered. I've been busy since then writing and editing an article that an editor asked for two days before we went away. That was a bit fraught but it's gone now.
Photographs mat well follow when I finally get chance to download them.

This week I...

...managed to do all of the things that I set out to do. It was mainly thanks to having an extra day off work and in future I might need to be more realistic.
Anyway bye for now. see you all in a week or so.

BTL 1st chapter

I've thought long and hard about this (well a bit at least) and I finally decided to share this with you. Goodness knows I have banged on about BTL often enough and I thought I'd share the first chapter with you all. I don't know why I'm doing this I just am. I just think that I would like at least a few people to read a bit of it before I give up on it.
Hope you enjoy - but please make allowances.

                                                          BTL - Chapter 1

One minute I was fine and the next…well I’m not sure what I’d call it exactly because I’d never felt like it before but I was shaking and I could hardly breathe and all I could think was, Oh my God!  What’s going on? Well to be honest there might have been the odd expletive in there as well but, oh my God! What’s going on? was the gist of it.

Surrounding me was what I can only say was an incredible light. It was like when there’s been heavy snow and your eyes struggle to adjust to the sun shining off it. You know, like when your eyes can’t really focus on anything because everything is so white. It was just like that, except whiter. My eyes instinctively screwed up to protect themselves like they would do on a really sunny day but this light wasn’t like a sunny day, not even a very sunny day. This light physically hurt my eyes.

 I tried to open them a couple of times but it just hurt so much that I was forced to close them again and I was in complete panic.

I was breathing in short little bursts which I took in, held for a bit and then let out in stages. I didn’t know what was going on or what was wrong with my eyes but I knew that I was panicking. I’d never had a panic attack before in my whole life and I couldn’t understand what as making me have one now. I just knew was that I was having one.

But what on earth was that light all about? I asked the question over and over in my head. What is that light? What is that light? What is that light?

I also asked myself why it was so noisy. There was noise all around me. Loud noise like when I’m watching TV at my grand-dad’s house and he hasn’t got his hearing aid in.  People were shouting. Lots of people were shouting and someone even screamed. I wanted to scream myself but couldn’t. It was taking everything I had just to breathe.

Oh my God, what was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I breathe properly? And, why were my teeth chattering?

The answer to all three questions had to be the same. I was scared. No, I was more than scared, I was petrified.

I tried to think.

Somehow I knew that no matter how much it hurt, I would have to open my eyes. It was the logical place to start because I knew that I would never work anything out unless I could see. I thought that rubbing my eyes might help so I gave that a go but it only made things worse. So now, as well as the light, there were circles flickering inside my eyes as if I had a migraine coming on. Ah, I thought, that’s it; I’ve got a migraine forming. It would be worse than any other migraine that I’d ever had before but that was the only explanation that I could think of. Oh great, not only would I have a blinding headache in a minute but I’d have the vomiting later. Yippee!

But that would have to wait. Right now I had other things to worry about. Slowly, a millimetre at a time I forced my eyes open and I blinked them rapidly in some desperate attempt to get them to adjust to the light. They hurt like hell, but I’d managed to get them this far and I wasn’t going to close them again so I forced myself to stop blinking by holding my eyes wide open. My facial expression was probably freakish but I didn’t care and anyway I doubt that anyone even noticed because when my eyes eventually did open properly I was able to see that I wasn’t the only one panicking.

 To the left of me was a woman,

“Help,” she shouted. “Someone help.”

“What’s wrong?” I had to yell because the noise was suddenly deafening.

Apparently I didn’t yell loud enough.

“What’s wrong?” I said again, moving closer and shouting even louder.

But there was still no response so I turned around to look for someone else to ask. There was a man running towards me and I held my hands up in a gesture that made it obvious I wanted him to stop but he didn’t. He just kept on running straight at me and I had to jump out of the way as he passed by.

“Oh well thanks anyway,” I shouted, adding ignorant bugger under my breath.

I looked after him, stood on my tip toes to try and see where and what he was running to that was so important. I couldn’t see a thing. There were too many people in the way. Heads were bobbing up and down all over the place and the bodies were packed too closely together.

I looked around for someone else to ask but everyone seemed too preoccupied to even notice that I was there.

Hang on a minute, where was I anyway? Now that I could see I needed to work out where I was. Maybe then I’d be able to work out what was going on? But why didn’t I know where I was? How could I not know where I was? Oh my God, maybe I’d had a black out. Shit! I knew that I should’ve got those headaches checked out. I’d just dismissed them as nothing but it looked like they might be something after all. Okay so I’d ring the doctor in the morning but right now I had to work out where I was and what was going on.

What was the last thing that I remembered?

I took a couple of deep breaths and tried to calm down enough to think straight. I remembered being at Mum’s house. We’d popped round to check on her because she said she wasn’t well. She’d looked alright to me though and I was a bit huffed that she hadn’t picked Na……Oh my God!

“Naomi!” the scream almost burst my own eardrums but no-one else seemed to notice it. “Naomi,” I shouted, “where are you?”

I whipped my head around, desperately looking for my little girl.

“Naomi,” I screamed again, “Naomi, where are you?”

But there were so many people around and Naomi was just a little girl. I couldn’t see her anywhere.

“Have you seen my daughter?” I asked anyone who would listen.

But nobody answered me. No-one even noticed me.

But that didn’t stop me asking anyway, “Please, have you seen my daughter?”

Eventually one woman did speak. “God help her,” she said, “she never stood a chance?”

“Who?” I asked. “Who never stood a chance?”

But the woman was looking off into the distance beyond where the crowd had formed and I realised that she had been talking more to herself than to me.

So now I had another question to add to my list. In addition to:

What was the light?

            Where am I?

            And the most important question of all,

            Where’s Naomi?

            I now had,

            Who never stood a chance?

Who never stood a chance? Oh my God no! Please anything but that. Please don’t let it be Naomi.

I may have been panicking before but now I was in overdrive. Thoughts of Naomi and what might have happened to her rushed through my head and there was a nightmare scenario starting to form.

 Was she the reason for the pandemonium?

Had something happened to Naomi? I almost didn’t want to know the answer to that one because part of me knew that the truth might be more than I could bear.

But bear it or not, I had to know. I had to know what everyone was looking at and what had made the colour drain from the faces of the people nearby. I had to know what had made a woman scream in the street in the middle of the day. I had to know the reason but I was terrified of what the answer might be.

I forced myself to take some more deep breaths. I pushed my chest out as I took them in and puffed my cheeks as they came out. I didn’t do this consciously, it was like my body was working on auto-pilot and it did what it needed to keep me functioning.

I knew that the answer, whatever it was, was at the front of the crowd, and for the first time since the whole light thing had happened I was focused. I knew that I had to get to the front of that crowd and I wasn’t worried about who I upset to do it.

Surprisingly though, I didn’t upset anyone. I expected that I would have heard at least the odd grumble as I barged my way through them but no-one said a thing. In fact I met no resistance at all. It felt like everyone was moving out of the way so that I could get through.

 “Naomi,” I shouted again and I heard a sob in my voice, “Naomi, I’m coming.”

And there she was.

Back to Basics

Following on from my post the other day about my head being a bot all over the place and dwelling to much on stuff I'm making a concerted effort to get back to the way that things used to be. And one of the things that I used to do was write. I may not have been very successful (apart from in 2009 or was it 10 when I had a lot of success and thought that there was a chance I could do this) but at least I did it. I did it because I enjoyed it - getting things published and especially getting paid for it was just a bonus.
So I've decided to go back to basics and pretend that I am starting out again which in effect is what I am because it's been that long since I wrote anything of note or had anything published that I can't really call myself a writer anymore. Not that I ever did because - well just because I never did. One of the things that I used to do right back when dinosaurs walked the earth was to post on here my writing intentions for the week so I think I will do that again or at least give it a try. I think it will help me to focus better. I use a "to do" list every day at work so why not a weekly one here? I get a ridiculous amount of pleasure out of ticking things off a list.
One of the things that I need to be aware of this time though is to make the list "achievable" because my writing time is very limited.
The plan is that once a week I will post what I am going to do this week and the following week I reflect on how well (or badly) I have done and post what I'm going to do the next week. This is maybe not the best time to start this as this time next week we'll be away in a cottage in the middle of nowhere without wi-fi (not sure it has running water) so I won't be able to astound you all with my productivity. If I get chance before I go on Sunday I'll try and let you know how things are going
Here goes.
W/C 06/06/2015 I will
1.Type up SS called PP
2. Edit SS called PP
3. Type up SS called HH
4. Edit SS called HH
5. Contact a specialist magazine re a possible article.

Random waffles

I've done a fair bit of procrastinating since my last post - nothing new there then - but I have finally dipped my toe in the water writing wise. I doubt anything will come of it. STOP IT!!! That negative attitude will get me nowhere. But hey what if it doesn't come to anything at least I enjoyed writing it and that's why I started doing it in the first place. I just wish I could stop dwelling on things well "it" as it were.
Anyway, made bread this morning and looking at it I think it may well be my best yet. The proof of the pudding etc. so we shall see once it cools down a bit. Thinking of making apple and cinnamon scones on Monday. I was going to make them today but there is still carrot cake to eat and I hate waste of any kind but especially food. Monday's an extra day off so maybe I'll bake them then.
Think that's all the news from the land of the pink pen so I will bid you adieu.
TTFN

Light bulb moment

I haven't done much of anything recently and I'm not just talking about writing and blogging. There are lots of things including writing and blogging that I want to do but its just not happening and I think I've realised why.
I had a light bulb moment today when I realised that I'm spending so much time worrying that my kidneys are going to fail again that I'm not enjoying the fact that they are working now at least for the moment.
I haven't had dialysis for 4 months now and I've done sod all with it since I got my life back.
That has to change.
I'm going to try and not swell on what might happen.

Idea

I'm sure most of you know that Charles Dicken's novels were originally published as weekly instalments in the newspaper that he wrote for. Well I am not for one second saying that my work is as good as if (I wish) but I thought I might pinch his idea - well sort of anyway because I don't write for a newspaper (again I wish).
I thought I would publish BTL (Oh God no - not that again I hear you cry) in bite sized pieces, maybe on Amazon or similar.
I have spoken to a couple of people about this and they have said that they thought it was a good idea. But they would wouldn't they because they are my friends. You lot are also my friends but I think you can be a bit more objective about it.
I currently have 8 bites finished and they are generally about 12-13k words each.
If I decide to go ahead there are the logistics of it though a) I've never published on Amazon before so I don't know how to do it and b) I thought I'd give the first 2 or 3 away to create interest but after that what would I charge? I'm thinking not a lot because it isn't a large piece of writing.
OKay so these are my wild thoughts and any comments would be greatfully received.

hello

I'm trying to be a better blogger but the truth is that I have absoloutely nothing of interest to tell you so I won't bother. I have been thinking about you though and just wanted to say hello.
Hello

Random writing

I was talking to the person that I refer to as my marketing director earlier and she suggested just writing randomly. She said just start writing and see where it takes you. She reckons it'll get the juices flowing and form a habit if I do it every day. I know she'd right about the habit forming so I'll give the other thing a go sometime.

What I did

I decided to send a couple of queries. One was to a magazine that I have never worked with before and I have to email them an idea and the other was to a magazine that I have  worked with in the past but the editor has changed. The new editor does write lovely emails though. I have to work on something specific and send it to her.
Something to focus on at last.

Thanks for listening.

This could well turn into a bit of a waffle but I'm feeling the need to purge my thoughts.
Remember I started the year off so well? Two submissions and work on the project that I've told my marketing director (JW) that I'll have finished by mid April, well its kind of stalled since then. In fcat, its probably more of a stop than a stall apart from that children's story I worked on last week.
You see, I get filled with self doubts. Am I good enough? Is what I write good enough? Is there a point to it? you know the sort of thing - so I haven't written mainly due to the last question I mentioned. But then I tell myself that unless I write and submit how will I ever know the answers to any of those questions?
And then there's the question of what I write. I have notebooks  full of things that I have written with the pink pen that need to be typed up, edited etc so what do I write first? Do I try a short story or one of the article ideas that I have? Maybe I should just concentrate of the project with JW but then what happens to the rest? My writing time is very limited  due to the day job and the fact that  I do actually want to spend some time with my family so how do I use it best?
I have a couple of hours today because I'm home because of the snow (every cloud etc) so I'm going to use it. But how?
No more questions - I'm just going to go and do something - other than procrastnate that is.
Thanks for listening.

Advice remembered

Many many years ago, I wrote a children's story which while it wasn't taken up by anyone a lovely person at Bodley Head wrote to me telling me what was wrong with it and giving me a bit of advice. I've not really "written" for children since, I mean I made stories up for my children but it was generally done as I was going along and not written down. I started to think about the original story for children recently and thought that I would give it another go. I remembered what the agent said and hopefully done it right this time.
It's not quite finished yet but not far off.

Not my fault.

So I may have got off to a flying start but this week I got a stitch and have been walking. I've done a bit of editing but not much more. I could tell you that it's because I've had a cold but that wouldn't be true. Well it is true I have a cold but it's not stopped me going to work so it wouldn't have stopped me writing either.
No my only excuse is Game of Thrones.
Never watched it before and just said that it wasn't my cup of tea. Husband and sons both all watch it though and so I thought what the hec I'll give it a go, I won't like it. WRONG!!!!
I downloaded the first series which I was able to watch t my leisure only to find out that by the time I'd finished that the other two series were no longer available. Lucky for me Number One Son came to the rescue with the box sets. I only have series 2 at the minute, he's going to get series 3 back off his mate and buy series 4 when it comes out in February. However I feel obliged to watch them as quickly as possible (nothing to do with how much I am enjoying them) so I have spent much of my hour and a bit writing time a day watching those. Poor excuse i know but the only one I've got.

Off and Running

So far I've blogged twice (if you include this one), made two submissions and worked on a project that I've told my Marketing Director (aka as my dear friend JW) that I'll have finished by mid April. And its not even lunch time yet.
However when I've been looking at what's out there already I see that Norah has a couple of things that were sent to her at he end of September and I just wondered what the turn around time was like at the moment. Is there still hope? Like I say its been a while since I did this seriously so I'm a bit of a novice, well I always was but even more so now.

Not a resoloution

This is not a New Years resolution - I gave up making those a long tome ago but in 2015 I do intend to be a better blogger. First of all apologies to those of you that left comments to previous posts because I've not been here for ages and have only just read them.
I'm not going to go over the past two years but I'm sure you'll all appreciate that writing - be it stories, articles or even this blog have not been top of my agenda. Now that I have got my life back and got Christmas out of the way, I hope to change that.
I'm making no promises but that is my intention.
happy New Year everyone
x

A quick update

Just a quickie because its very late and its been one hec of a day but I have to tell you.
I got a call yesterday fro the hospital asking me to go in for a blood test today and as a result of those which showed continued improvement they took my neck line out. The doctor says he can't say how long it will last but he reckons it will be years. He can't be more specific because recovery after this length of time is unusual so he doesn't really have anything to go on.
I am blessed.

Re-birth

I don't quite know how to say this so I'm just going to spit it out.
To cut a very long story short it appears that my kidneys are waking up . I haven't had dialysis for 10 days and after a blood test today I was told that I am off dialysis (for now but fingers crossed for long term) and to come back for another blood test in 2 weeks time. I thought it might be weekly blood tests so that ion itself is a bit of a result.
I feel like I have been re-born.
Happy day.

Every.....

...Ellen needs a George.

Do you want....

.... to meet Ellen and George?

Time frame.

As I said in my last real post on here I'm getting me head down and working on BTL because there is something about it that I can't give up on but the thing is I know that I can't give up everything for this one project. I've spent a long tome on it as it is and I have other things that are a WIP and maybe one of those is "the one." So with that in mind I think I am going to give myself 6 months to get it right and maybe another 3-6 months to find a taker for it. If nothing comes of it then maybe its time to print a copy for myself and call it a day.

Not a sign of madness.

The latest info on my other journey can be found here. Please feel free to have a look because they say talking to yourself is the first sign of madness.

Work in progress

I'm trying to get my head down and re-write BTL now that I've found the right voice for my MC. It's proving quite a task, involving a lot of changes but I'm determined to do it but need to accept that it could take a while.
I've said before that there is something about this book that means that I can't give up on it and I'm sure that I can't be the only one that has felt this way about something that they've written. Can I? Please tell me I'm not.

Flying the nest

There will be a couple of short stories winging their way to a certain magazine in the morning. They are two that I wrote recently with the old pink pen and there are several more where they came from. They are still sitting in a note book though so they won't be going anywhere just yet.
I've also finally found the right voice for the main character of my book BTL. I just can't seem to give up on it no matter how I have tried to walk away from it.
Not much of a post I know but there's not been much happening.

A question.

As most of you know I have been out of the short story game for a while but flushed with my recent success (I do realise it was just one download but its a start) over at Alfie Dog Fiction I'm looking to submit some of the stuff that I've been working on recently.

So my question is, is it still okay to submit more than one story to the same place at the same time. I have a couple of stories that I hope Norah might be interested in.

At last

I have several stories on Alfie Dog Fiction and finally one was downloaded. Now I know that its not a lot to get excited about but it made me smile. The story that was downloaded was called last Supper and is a story that would never be published by the usual outlets so I'm really chuffed that someone chose to read it. I just hope that they enjoyed it.

Another one

I wrote another thought about my kidney journey and you can read it here.. I mention it only because I don't want to be talking to myself. That sort of thing is madness.

On a different note one of my short stories was downloaded of t'internet. I know its not much to write home about but its been a while since I had any success and it put a smile on my face. I also mentioned that fact on Facebook, something that I haven't done before because most of my friends don't know that I dabble with writing. Don't know what made me announce it today.

I don't know how well this will work but I have decided to blog about what's happening re my kidney problems. It's not properly set up yet but I have written my first post and its here.

Mis-match

Okay so its been a month since I last blogged. What can I say? I'm a bad blogger but I will try harder.
Had some, I was going to say disappointing news yesterday but its not really. It turns out that Himself and are not compatible blood wise so he can't donate a kidney to me. And while it would have been lovely to come off dialysis sooner rather than later I hated the thought of him putting himself at risk for me. How could I live with myself and his kidney if his side of the operation went wrong?
I think I need to write about how I feel and what its like waiting for the call that could well probably will (hopefully) change your life. Book or blog? Book or blog? Decisions decisions. I just know that when times get tough I find it therapeutic to write.
Please don't think I'm despondent though. I seriously feel better than I have ever felt in my life. I have the love of a very good man and I have two healthy children that I could not be more proud of. I am very lucky.

How long??

Apparently I stated this blog 7 yeas ago. That doesn't seem right somehow - how can it have been so long? I've just had a look back at the sort of thing that I was writing back then in July 2007 and a lot of it is the sort of thing that I write about now. In addition to that drivel, I also had a past of what I'd done (writing wise) that week and another with what I planned to do that week. I was a little horrified to see that I was working on NMBK. What????? That can't be seven years ago. That particular WIP is probably still exactly where it was back then, However what really horrified me was that if I was working on NMBK then, BTL would already have been finished. BTL my baby that I think is really good (naturally) and everyone who read it was going to feel the same way. Might be time to give up on that dream.
Maybe I'll call the last seven years my apprenticeship.

Quick question

Can anyone tell me if Jill at WN is open to submissions at the moment? The reason I ask is that I know she wasn't accepting submissions for a couple of months a while back so I just wanted to check.

Eventually

I've just submitted a short story that I started God knows when but ages ago, found when I was flicking through the WIP folder, finished when I was on dialysis and edited when I was on "the sick." I'm glad its finished and gone because I really like it so fingers crossed in fact everything crossed.

Help please

I was reading through a couple of blogs this morning, you know, catching up with what's been going on, making the odd comment or two, and I fear that I have pressed something that I didn't mean to. As a consequence I now cannot see posts from the blogs that I follow on my dashboard. Does anybody know what I have done or what I can do to correct it.

Now or never

Some of you may already know this but for those of you that don't, I have spent a good chunk of the last month in hospital. The first time was just a couple of days for a couple of planned procedures. This was shortly followed by just over a week when both sites became infected and I was running a temperature of 40.8 then when I got over that one of the sites ruptured (fistula) and I had an arterial bleed all over the kitchen. That meant surgery that day to tie off the fistula and another stay in hospital until the surgeons were happy with it.

The reason that I am telling you this is that this last thing, the arterial bleed, scared me. Never during the whole of the last year, not even when I was in critical care, I have ever thought that I wouldn't get through this thing. But that Sunday, first of all in the ambulance going to hospital and then while I was waiting to go to theatre I was scared, really scared. I don't mind admitting that I was very relieved to wake up afterwards.

To get to the point though, and there always is a point I just sometimes tale my time getting there, it occurred to me that I have to do this thing now ....or never as the title says. I've dabbled with this writing thing for a long time but to be honest I haven't done it with any real enthusiasm for a few years. No enthusiasm isn't the right word (but its said so it stays), effort is probably a better one. I haven't put he effort in. I haven't written enough, I haven't submitted enough etc. etc.

That has to change and recently it has to a certain extent. The pink pen has been out and had written maybe half a dozen short stories and last week I rediscovered my love of current novel NRIMH which I haven't looked at for a long time and I added about 10,000 words to that. All of these are at the first draft stage and need working on but its more than I've done in ages.

I don't expect to become a millionaire from writing, I never did, but its the pleasure that I get from getting work accepted and published that gives me a buzz and if I'm going to do it I have to do it now because what was it Ronan Keating said about tomorrow never coming? Well one of these days it won't and then it'll be too late. Now is the time to get serious.

One final thing I should mention though is that I am fine. I am currently off work sick and have been for 3 weeks but I would have been off this week and next anyway as I had holidays booked. Other than the two open wounds I have at he two surgery sites I'm as good as I was 6 weeks ago. These need to be repacked a couple of times a week but seem to be healing nicely. Oh and one last thing, hopefully I'll be going on the transplant list in about 8 weeks time.

False alarm

This week the post man delivered an envelope that I had addressed. Oh no, the dreaded SAE - it could only mean one thing - a returned submission. But hang on, the envelope was thin like it I=only had one sheet of paper in it. Maybe it was an acceptance.
However, when I opened the envelope there was the standard rejection letter and the cover sheet from the story that I had sent them. It was a magazine that I've never been accepted by before and for  a couple of seconds I thought that I'd finally got my foot in the door, Sadly it was only a false alarm.

What a year

Yesterday was the first anniversary of my time on dialysis and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'm not happy about having to go to hospital three evenings a week even if I have made a lot of new friends amongst my fellow patients, but I am happy to be alive. so given the alternative I guess I'm happy to be on dialysis though naturally I'd rather not be. Does that make sense?
Oddly enough my hair which started to grow curly following my chemotherapy somehow doesn't seem quite so curly tonight which is a bit weird.
As I'm sitting here tonight, just me and my thoughts, I can't help wondering what the next year will bring.

A little more info

A few of my blog land friends have shown interest in my reading project and after a comment from Teresa it occurred to me that I should have given you a bit more info about BTL.
Its 70,000 words long and is aimed at anyone who enjoyed the stories behind Ghost and Dead Like Me.
I thought I'd better mention it in case anyone wants to withdraw their offer. There's still time of anyone else wants to throw their hat into the ring.

Minor success

This happened a few weeks ago but I forgot to mention it.
After my recent lack of success on the writing front I decided to go back to basics so I wrote a couple of letters and sent them to magazines. I was reading one of said magazines a few weeks ago when low and behold there was a letter from me.
Okay so I know its not much but it made me smile.

An invitation

As some of you already know it is my theory that this is a conversation between friends and therefore once something has been said it can't be unsaid. By that I mean that whatever I write is what you get, unedited warts and all. However as I write this I'm thinking that I may for the first time break my own rule and delete the whole lot. However if that is the case you'll never read it so will never know so what the hell am I prattling on about.
Basically this is what I am thinking. At last I hear you cry.
This is the thing. Remember my book BTL? I've had some interest from agents and publishers but not enough to take it on. I got very excited when one of them was very excited but alas it was not to be. So my idea is, and trust me I am getting to the point, I am looking for one plucky volunteer to read it for me. An author of many books but who would not like to be identified said it was a "page turner" if that's any encouragement to volunteer. I would just like to know what one regular reader of fiction thinks about it.
If you are game for the challenge please contact me either via this blog or at colettemccormick@yahoo.co.uk
I realise that I am asking a lot and my finger keeps hovering over the delete button but no its been said so can't be taken back so I'm going to press publish before I change my mind.

I made these

Well technically I grew them but I made this

or at least I was when I took this photo. I meant to take another one of the finished product when it was cooked but I ate it before I remembered. I have to say it was very good.
So that's 2 more ticks off the list.

Is this Summer?

What a beautiful day. That's 3 in a row. Let's hope this isn't summer. It was lovely walking Zac this morning. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and there was the sound of a church bell ringing. It was idyllic until some dipstick drove about 80 mile an hour along the road with his dodgy exhaust fit to explode. I was going to do allsorts when I came back but so far I've done nothing but eat breakfast and read blogs etc.
Oh well, too hot to garden now and the ironing can keep. I'll be making Sunday lunch in a couple of hours though. No matter that you can fry eggs on the pavement, my men need their Sunday roast and Sunday wouldn't be Sunday without Yorkshire puddings.
I had my hair cut on Friday and there was a lot of it so I'm please I got rid of that before the weather got better. My hair thinned out after my treatment last year but now that its growing back its really thick and curly - a great insulator.
Zac is curled up in his favourite chair having a snooze after our walk. He looks very comfortable. I might take a leaf out of his book

Number 36 - tick

Number 36 on my fifty/50 list was to take this season's family fantasy football competition seriously. Well now that "this" season has become last season I can announce that I ticked that one off my list. I still came bottom of the league but at least I took it seriously.

Naughty Girl

I am a very very very bad blogger. Note to self - do not leave blog on its own in cyber space for so long again.
What's happened since the last time I was here? Well, I was offered the job that I applied for but I turned it down. Turns out that when it came to it my attachment to my current location was too strong. My boss was okay with it. She said she wasn't surprised and sometimes we need to do something that makes us realise how important something is to us. My assistant's not best chuffed though because she wants my job. Hey ho.
I've also been doing lots of writing with the pink pen. That means that there's lots of stuff written in notebooks that all needs to be typed up, edited, reworked etc. so must get on with that.
I had a "test for transplant" the other day. This one was for my heart and the technician said that everything looks fine but I guess I'll have to wait until I see me doctor to have that confirmed. Don't see him until June 4th.
Had a lovely birthday back in April so that's number 50 marked off the fifty/50 list .
The tax man sent me a letter telling me its time to fill in my tax return - is he having a laugh? I owe him about a fiver.
There's probably more but I can't remember it at the moment so I'll be back later. Right now, following a text message late yesterday afternoon from number 1 son inviting himself to lunch to celebrate the end of the football season and a dash to the butchers for  a bigger joint, I'm off to roast a pig.

Extensions etc

This might sound like a bit of a cop out but I have decided to extend my Fifty/50 year project by 4 months. That is pretty much the time that I was out of commission last year due to my kidney issue.
On a different front, I have applied for a new job, well its the same job really within the same organisation just in a different location. So maybe its not that exciting after all but its something that I wasn't thinking about this time last week or even as recently as 3 days ago. My boss suggested I apply for it on Thursday morning, I decided to do it on Friday and filled the form in this morning. However I'm perfectly happy where I am at the moment so it won't break my heart if I don't get it.
Also with the passing of another financial year I fear the Exchequer  will not be getting rich on what it gets from me.
So here's to new starts

A Mother' Day Wish

I have had such a lovely day. The nest was full and after lunch we just sat around chatting and laughing and it was great. There were times when I wondered if I would see today but I have and I am soooooo glad that I did.
Hope all you mother's out there had a good day too.

Did I really write that?

The other day I was rooting through my "writing drawer" looking for something when I came across several sheets of paper that had something written on them. I was in a rush to get to work but I was intrigued to know what it was so I tossed it in my bag and forgot about it. I remembered it yesterday evening when I was on dialysis so I pulled it out of my bag and read it.
It turned out to be a short story that I'd written God knows when I don't know why it never got any further than this rough draft but I actually liked what I wrote so I'm going to take it further now.
I also wrote a rough draft last night. It was a very rough draft mind so I'm not sure how that particular project is going to work out. Hey but at least I wrote something new.

Not a bad life.

What an absolutely glorious morning it is though I don't imagine its as warm as it looks. I think I'll still wrap up well when we take Zac for a walk.
Just had to say that because its how I felt when I opened the curtains.
And life's a bit like that now. These days I get a real joy out of a sunny day like this and I find that I appreciate the little things that this time last year I would have just taken for granted. I also catch myself dancing sometimes. Despite the fact that I have my health conditions that you all know about life is good and I feel blessed.
I posted the story that I was editing the other day so if Norah could see her way to accepting it I'd feel even better.

Two more ticks

I'm going to come up short completing the Fifty/50 list but I did tick off 2 more this week. Firstly I made pierogi and they were luscious. I was going to take a photo but they were eaten before I could get the camera. I could maybe take one of the ones that are in the freezer. And secondly I gave flowers to someone who wasn't expecting it. One of my volunteers has been a great help to me recently and I bought her flowers to say thank you. She was completely taken by surprise and her reaction was lovely.
I'm going to try and tick a few more off in the next month but the ones I miss I'll try and complete next year.

How could I forget?

How could I forget the joy of editing? Hope you're picking up the hint of sarcasm in that sentence. As usual my problem is knowing when to stop. I tweak and then I tweak some more and just for good measure I do it again. I've just had to force myself away from it and it will be off in the post either tomorrow or the day after.

And another apology

Okay, so after apologising for being a bad blogger its now been another 2 months since the last time I blogged.
I won't bore you all with the details but essentially I am no longer dialysing at home and will never be again. I am now going to the hospital three evenings a week after work and don't get home until at least 11.30pm so I've got yet another routine to get used to. I 'll have a while to get used to this one though as it should be like this until I get a transplant whenever that may be. Hopefully I'll be able to go on the list this summer.

Anyway, that wasn't the reason I came on. I'm not criticising myself because last year I had other things on my mind, but well to be honest my writing successes have been almost nil recently and I'd rather like that to change. So I'm going back to basics and writing like I used to when I had more success. However I've been out of touch with the short story world for a while and I just wondered what was new out there and what's been happening.

Also if anyone has any tips on how to regain my mojo, I'd love too hear them

Apologies from a bad blogger

I knew it had been a while but I was appalled to find that its over two months since I've been here. Poor neglected blog. However, I am going to try and start making amends right now.
Since we last spoke I've been busy doing not a lot really. I am now doing my dialysis at home which has involved a new routine which does mean that I don't visit cyber space as often which is good in one way because it means that I deal with the real world but also results in blogs becoming neglected. After a few teething problems that seems to be sorted now and so far so good. I'm no longer going to the hospital three times a week and I returned to work full time the week before Christmas.
Ah Christmas, I missed all that in blogland too. The day itself was a bit of a wash out for me because I'd picked up a sickness bug but I still had a good time and it was lovely to have all my menfolk round the same table at the same time. I saw in the New Year in bed hooked up to my dialysis machine watching the fireworks over the Thames with a glass of brandy in my hand. It doesn't sound very much but I actually enjoyed it and I was full of optimism for the new year which hopefully will be better than the last one.
As for writing, I've done a couple of first drafts but nothing really serious. My new routine and going back to work properly has taken a bit of getting used to but its getting better day by day.
I've also ticked another couple of things off my list

I've packed up a couple of boxes of dog food for  the rescue home. They haven't gone yet because Himself won't let me take them on my own because he's scared that I'll come back with another dog.

This was the other thing that I did - I had a pint. At the time that I did it, that pint was half of me daily fluid allowance but it was so worth it. I wanted to have a pint because it was something that used to horrify my mother and it was my way of saying I'm a grown up now and I can do what I want. Strange thing is when I told Mum what I'd done she just asked if I enjoyed it. Mothers eh!!!
That's all that's coming to mind at the moment but if I think of anything else I'll be back.
Bye for now,
x

The (not so ) lovely Guido

As promised, here is my guy who raised almost £40 for hos (my) chosen charity.
Go Guido!!!

Wasn't kidding was I when I said he wasn't much of a looker.

Go Guido

My guy has been sitting at work fr the last week or so and he's raised about £30 which I am pretty pleased about. I took a picture of him but I haven't downloaded it yet but when I do he will be appearing in all his glory right here. I have to warn you though, he isn't a looker but that is part of his charm.

I tried to explain the tradition of Bonfire Night to an American friend earlier today and it reminded me of the time I tried to tell her about cricket. The last I heard she was going to Google The Gunpowder Plot.

As a side note, I had my operation to get the Tenckhoff line inserted this week. It apparently went well though it may be after Christmas before its used. I didn't enjoy being in hospital and was glad that I was only there for two nights.

Two more ticks and other stuff

Two more things were ticked off the Fifty/50 list this week. Firstly I wore a dress yesterday. I meant ti have a photo taken wearing it but I forgot. I kid you not though - I did wear it and what's more I liked it. I may do it more often. Secondly I finished my guy and he'll be going to work with me tomorrow. I have to be honest he's not a good looking fella but for a first (and probably only attempt) I'm quite pleased.
On a different note, I have to be honest and admit that I haven't done a lot of writing while I've been off work even though the intention was there. At first I was too weak and it took all my energy just keeping awake and then later when I got stronger I spent too much time thinking. That's the problem with having a lot of time on your hands you have a lot of opportunity for thinking - mainly about what life has thrown at you and to be honest that's not been a good exercise. It occurred to me the other day that until I am able to return to work properly which will hopefully be around Christmas time I need to fill my time with something other than thinking. So, I've been working on a couple of new short stories. One is finished and waiting to be edited and the other one is just waiting until I come up with a suitable ending. I know what I want o say just not how to say it. I've also made myself a writing "to do" list which will hopefully focus my mind and also give me something to refer to if I find myself dwelling on stuff.
I have to go back into hospital next week for an operation which will allow me to dialyse at home until such a time as my kidneys start working again or I get a transplant. I don't particularly want to dialyse at home, I don't want to do it at all but its what's keeping me alive so c'est la vie. I don't enjoy going to the hospital 3 times a week though so hopefully it will be worth it.

A lovely weekend and a couple of ticks.

I've been married 31 years today and usually we are way for our anniversary but given that we had the big splurge in Paris in April for that big birthday of mine (well that and the fact that I still have to go to hospital 3 times a week for dialysis) we were going t give it a miss this year. However, my lovely husband booked us a weekend away in a log cabin near Saltburn in North Yorkshire and we were there at the weekend. Its not a vast distance from home (just an hour or so) but it was far enough to be "away" but close enough "just in case". And what a wonderful weekend we had.

I was surprised to find that the cabin was actual wood - I though it was just an effect but no it was an actual log cabin. These beautiful creatures wandered randomly through the grounds which was lovely but a bit of a shock when we woke up to the sound of them walking in the roof one morning. The blue dresses belong to a couple of bridesmaids from a wedding that was being held in the hotel that was also in the grounds.

We took Zac with us and he had a wonderful time playing in the beach and walking through the parks and woodland. He also had a lot of fun digging holes in the sand.

I also got the chance to tick another couple of things off my Fifty/50 list. I thoroughly enjoyed my 99 even though the wind was playing havoc with my hair. I should point out that even though this picture makes it look like I'm shoving it into my chin I was actually capturing the strawberry sauce that was dripping off the pointy top of my Mr Whippy ice-cream.

The other thing I got to do was paddle in the sea.

Zac also enjoyed the paddling though he was braver than me and went in a lot further than I did.

I didn't get to throw my message in a bottle into the sea though because the tide always seemed to be coming in when we were at the beach and I didn't want it landing on the same beach that it was launched from.

A lovely day and half a tick

I had a lovely day out with Himself yesterday (happy birthday to him for today BTW) and I even managed half a tick on my Fifty/50 list.
I bought a dress!! Yes that's right, there is a dress hanging in my wardrobe. I was going to take a picture of it but to be honest it looks better on than on the hanger so maybe I'll have a picture taken when I'm wearing it.
Following some good advice from some of you via comments to my previous post I'm going to look into joining a critique group so if anyone can recommend one I'd love to hear about it.

Stuff

Going through one of my folders that contain stories that are not quite finished I found two stories that I had completely forgotten about.
They both have the same central character and the plan was that they would be the start of a series. I suspect that they are both still sitting in that folder because I didn't know which magazine to pitch them at. I'll have to give it some thought because I really like them.
I've also just given BTL another outing at an agency. I wish that I could get someone to read the whole thing, I don't know if its just me because I have read the first three chapters a thousand times but they don't excite me as much as they used to but when I read the rest of it recently I loved it.
All I want is for one person (other than me) to read the whole thing.
On a different note, Himself and I are having our first day "out" since April and I am terribly excited at the prospect.

A good day

It was a good day yesterday.
Yeah my dog walking clothes are clearly too big for me and my hair is a mess but this is me yesterday walking my lovely dog Zac in the woods near where we live and that is something that I haven't been able to do since May.
I used to love walking him and not doing so has been one of the things that I missed the most. I've walked with him and my Better Half along the road a couple of times but this was the first "proper" walk. That was a couple of miles and hopefully today I will add a mile onto that and make it to the bench to see the sheep.
Just to make the outing perfect Zac made some new friends.

38 - tick

Number 38 on "The List" has now turned red. I made bread from scratch with my own hands and here is the photograph to prove it. I don't think Messrs' Warburton and Allison have anything to worry about.

Link to stories

Two my stories are now on the Alfie Dog website and can be found here if anyone is interested.

Dancing Queen

Remember her? Well yesterday afternoon I was dancing around my kitchen and it felt soooooooo good. Things must be looking up.

Okay so "dancing" might be stretching it because my feet didn't move a lot just in case I fell over but the top half of my body was a moving and a grooving.

Also, I'm finally going back to work in 2 weeks time. I'm just going to do a couple of hours a day a couple of days a week but at least its a start.

So what?

So what if my kidneys still aren't working? My fingers are.
It occurred to me in the early hours of this morning that its been too long since I did any writing so needless to say that is going to change. Life is still pretty rubbish health wise at the minute so why not concentrate on something that I enjoy.
So with that in mind I set about a couple of projects that have been on my mind this morning and instantly felt better. I even did a bit of editing and resubmitted an article.

Number 5 - tick

There's another off my Fifty/50 list. Number 5 has gone that is to read Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee.
It was hard reading at times but I'm glad that I went through it. Its just sad that we don't learn from history but I guess it was ever thus. The Native Americans were treated appallingly but sadly they aren't the only indigenous people to have suffered that way.
I've just checked and so far I've only ticked 7 things off the list so I am a bit behind schedule though I hope that I'll be able to pick up some of the leeway. Given that I was out of commission for the best part of 3 months though I'll forgive myself for that. Maybe some of the things like visiting that historical sight near my home will have to be put off till next year as I think it closes next month for the winter and I doubt I'll be up to a visit before then. Oh well.

Number 16

So there's another one off the list.

Number 16 "to tweet" has been ticked off the list. It wasn't very exciting but if I waited for that I'd be waiting a long time. For anyone who is interested my words of wisdom they can be found here.